We'll be Young Forever...

Today is my 24th birthday.

:)

My mother asked me this morning as Layla played on the mat with her toys, how it felt and if I felt different. At that moment, I couldn't quite tell because it was super early (Layla is an early bird), but now as I sit here at the end of the day contemplating many things, I realize I do feel different.

I have been struggling in the last few years to find my place in this world. My sense of self worth and purpose. For so long I felt like I had no direction. But so many things are starting to become clear. I am a wife. I am a mother. But these things are not all that I am. I am also a woman. A STRONG WOMAN. I have been through so much in the last several years and it has built me into this warrior that I didn't realize that lived inside me. Even in moments that I feel like I am breaking down, I feel this sense of inner strength like I am and will survive what ever comes. I believe that this comes from being a mother. The protectress. Everything changed when Layla was born. Life was about more than just me now. I feel like a lioness guarding her cub. I would protect her with my life.

It finally feels like so many things are coming full circle. Loose ends are starting to tie up and new experiences and opportunities are beginning to open up to me. For the longest time I have felt like I am standing on the edge of something...just waiting. And now I feel like I am finally running and jumping into the air, free falling into something that I know is going to be wonderful.

I read my horoscope tonight for kicks and come to find out tonight's moon is 100% full. A full moon on my birthday. Lots of good energy coming my way.

It's been a long time coming. I can feel the change. And it is beautiful.

Seeking my Whole Self.

I am in a space of tender reflection at the moment.

My body seems to be trying to cleanse itself of toxins of both the physical, emotional, and spiritual kind. I have been soaking up a great deal of yummy soul searching goodness in the last few weeks. Reading several books that touch deep within and ring my inner bell. The likes of Sierra Bender, author of "Goddess to the Core" has struck some cords and real laid out a platter of munchies for my heart and soul to munch on. One of the things that she speaks about in her book, is how we create our surroundings by our intentions. Our thoughts. That what we think, determines how we feel, how we feel determines how we behave, and how we behave determines what we create. That struck a cord. Several in fact. She speaks of not victimizing yourself anymore and becoming the Goddess you are meant to be, who you've always been awakening her. The book is truly phenomenal. If you are so inclined, I definitely recommend checking it out. Her words, lessons and wisdom are life altering. I would read a passage and literally sit back and just digest what I had just read. So much of it spoke to me, it was as if literally the words were jumping off the pages saying "umm...are you getting this?!" And yes, I was!

I also have just finally finished reading "The Kind Diet" by Alicia Silverstone. I was very pleasantly surprised by this book. It's so wonderful to see an individual using their celebrity to make a difference in our world. The book itself, is about Alicia and her journey to becoming vegan and how it has changed her life for the better in all areas. Half journal, half recipe book it was very simple to follow and just blew my mind with the statistical information that she provided on the terrors of the meat industry and the treatment of animals. Breaking down exactly how that piece of meat got to your dinner plate or how that milk got into your refrigerator, is not the pretty story you might imagine (or well maybe you wouldn't imagine animals being led to slaughter, or being pumped full of hormones a pretty story... I sure wouldn't). It just seems hard for me to believe that once you read this information or even see pictures (trust me it's terrible) of what happens to that cow, chicken, pig etc. before it makes it way to your supper table, that you could stomach that steak or fried chicken. It definitely turns my stomach. Now I come form a tremendously predominate family of carnivores/omnivores. Being raised in the south, Fried Chicken Sunday lunches with meat gravy and cheese smothered macaroni is every where you turn, especially in family.

Up until about a year ago, I was of the omnivore variety partaking in all the meats that were offered up to me, and peppering it all with some salad, fruits and veggies. I had a passionate love affair with cheese that is something that I still grapple with, and have been a milk drinker my entire life. I knew vaguely of the plight of the animals that I consumed, but it was so easy to forget and just go through life. Just because I enjoyed the cheeseburger doesn't mean I wanted to meet the cow that provided it. Then something started to shift. During my pregnancy with Layla I developed Gestational Diabetes. During that time I had to strictly watch my diet, not partaking in hardly any sugar, not much fruit or juice, calculating my carb intake and pricking my finger 4 times a day. I. did. not. enjoy. it. at. all. That lovely cliche of when you are pregnant you get to eat whatever you want went right out the window. During this time I learned about substitutions for sugar and did my own research on what would be the best one. Although I had used certain artificial sweeteners prior, I stumbled upon a woman's vlog talking about Stevia. Ahhhh...Stevia. This, I feel, is where things started to change. Once I learned of the aspartame in artificial sweeteners and what it does inside your body once it is digested (basically you consuming formaldehyde, you know the stuff they embalm dead bodies with...yeah...gross), I eagerly began researching other ingredients in the food I was consuming. The information I came upon blew my mind! I couldn't help but think, "Do people actually know about this, and they still eat it??" From that day forward I have not used an artificial sweetener. Only raw sugar, Stevia, Agave Nectar, Brown Rice Syrup etc.

So one day I was browsing the blog of the lovely Denise at www.bohophotography.blogspot.com, and she did a vlog reviewing "The Kind Diet" and how amazing she felt doing it. I looked through several other reviews and heard nothing but raves, so I headed to the nearest bookstore and purchased it. I read through the first few chapters as soon as I got it home but, out of sheer lack of time had not gotten the opportunity to finish it. Ah, and how easy it is to revert to old ways when things are out of sight out of mind. Coming home from a recent trip to visit my husbands family on the Kentucky/Ohio line we made a stop through a local McDonalds...(cue famous terrifying music, overly dramatic old hollywood starlet scream!) I ordered a cheeseburger and wolfed it down hungrily, half asleep from my car ride induced nap), not but 10 minutes after consuming said cheeseburger I felt like I had swallowed a brick. It is not normal for me to eat fast food, but the confines of the road led me to that cheeseburger and although in the first bite it reminded me of being a child and going to McDonalds with my parents, the lovely memories soon wore off and all I was left with was a sick stomach. Not long after returning home I pulled "The Kind Diet" from the shelf and began devouring the pages. I have toyed with the idea of going vegan several times since my daughter was born, but I am truly giving it a shot this time. As of right now I am "flirting" which according to her book means you haven't made a fully commitment yet. But I have kept my indulgences to a minimum. I have only eaten meat once. And consumed cheese twice. I do not think right is the best time for me to fully cut everything out of my diet, but I am adding new healthier vegan friendly items to it. I have substituted milk for soymilk (which I love :D), and EarthBalance butter for diary butter. I am still waiting to get some vegan cheese and veganaise to try. But the main consistency of my diet in the last week has been about 90% vegan/vegetarian so may I say whoohoo! for my self.

I already feel lighter. I have a few detox symptoms from cutting the "nasties" out but I am enjoying this feeling of light within me and peace of mind that I am putting things in my body that are going to nourish me.

I hope to continue on this journey, growing more excited by the day. I have just ordered some vegan cookbooks for my birthday and they should be getting here shortly.

Speaking of birthday, goodness, it won't be long. October 22nd. I will be 24. Man, how the years fly...

My intention for the rest of this week is to take care of myself body, mind and spirit, to act instead of react, to stay calm in the face of adversity and to remember the mantra from Sierra "what you think determines how you feel, how feel determines how you behave and how you behave determines what you create."

I'll hopefully update on my journey to wellness, happiness, and wholeness.

Brightest Blessings.