A week in quick review.

my little lovebug.

Finally, time to unwind and relax, here's a quick update post.

What I've been up to lately:

-

Letting Layla feed herself Pizza and be as messy as she wants, then immediately realizing that pizza sauce fuses itself with little baby's skin :)

-Practicing and getting better at hooping! Yes that's right I said hooping, I've caught the fever! I will hopefully get a picture up soon.

-Reading this book.

-Drinking chai tea in the morning...yummm.

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Getting my zen on.

-Starting my handmade Christmas gift list, and trying to nail down all the materials I will need.

-finally getting a little girl time with one of my best friends of 16 years (wow!), and getting her into hooping. She had never been able to hoop in the past as a child but spun that thing around like a natural after I made her, her very own hoop! We could barely get a few spins out, without dying laughing at each other and messing up! It was just what I needed! As soon as my camera gets fixed I will hopefully be able to take pictures of our hijinks and post it.

-branching out and trying new recipes, like Butternut Squash with Farfalle and fried Sage...YUM-O!

What have you all out there in blog land been up to?

The Force Is Strong with this One...Layla's first Halloween Trick or Treating

I finally got the chance to post the photos from Layla's first Halloween that she got to actually go out and Trick-or-Treat!

The photos of her in orange are of her outfit she wore all day before she went Trick-or-Treating. The top and bottoms are actually a jammie set and the the tutu I made for her out of tulle and elastic! She looked so precious!

And boy did she have a ball out trick or treating! She finally got the the hang of what was going on and starting saying "Thank You!" when the people gave her candy in her pumpkin pail. Chandler went as a Jedi, I believe I was a Sith at the last minute and Layla of course as you can tell was Yoda!
Hope you guys had a wonderfully spooky Halloween/Samhain!

We'll be Young Forever...

Today is my 24th birthday.

:)

My mother asked me this morning as Layla played on the mat with her toys, how it felt and if I felt different. At that moment, I couldn't quite tell because it was super early (Layla is an early bird), but now as I sit here at the end of the day contemplating many things, I realize I do feel different.

I have been struggling in the last few years to find my place in this world. My sense of self worth and purpose. For so long I felt like I had no direction. But so many things are starting to become clear. I am a wife. I am a mother. But these things are not all that I am. I am also a woman. A STRONG WOMAN. I have been through so much in the last several years and it has built me into this warrior that I didn't realize that lived inside me. Even in moments that I feel like I am breaking down, I feel this sense of inner strength like I am and will survive what ever comes. I believe that this comes from being a mother. The protectress. Everything changed when Layla was born. Life was about more than just me now. I feel like a lioness guarding her cub. I would protect her with my life.

It finally feels like so many things are coming full circle. Loose ends are starting to tie up and new experiences and opportunities are beginning to open up to me. For the longest time I have felt like I am standing on the edge of something...just waiting. And now I feel like I am finally running and jumping into the air, free falling into something that I know is going to be wonderful.

I read my horoscope tonight for kicks and come to find out tonight's moon is 100% full. A full moon on my birthday. Lots of good energy coming my way.

It's been a long time coming. I can feel the change. And it is beautiful.

Seeking my Whole Self.

I am in a space of tender reflection at the moment.

My body seems to be trying to cleanse itself of toxins of both the physical, emotional, and spiritual kind. I have been soaking up a great deal of yummy soul searching goodness in the last few weeks. Reading several books that touch deep within and ring my inner bell. The likes of Sierra Bender, author of "Goddess to the Core" has struck some cords and real laid out a platter of munchies for my heart and soul to munch on. One of the things that she speaks about in her book, is how we create our surroundings by our intentions. Our thoughts. That what we think, determines how we feel, how we feel determines how we behave, and how we behave determines what we create. That struck a cord. Several in fact. She speaks of not victimizing yourself anymore and becoming the Goddess you are meant to be, who you've always been awakening her. The book is truly phenomenal. If you are so inclined, I definitely recommend checking it out. Her words, lessons and wisdom are life altering. I would read a passage and literally sit back and just digest what I had just read. So much of it spoke to me, it was as if literally the words were jumping off the pages saying "umm...are you getting this?!" And yes, I was!

I also have just finally finished reading "The Kind Diet" by Alicia Silverstone. I was very pleasantly surprised by this book. It's so wonderful to see an individual using their celebrity to make a difference in our world. The book itself, is about Alicia and her journey to becoming vegan and how it has changed her life for the better in all areas. Half journal, half recipe book it was very simple to follow and just blew my mind with the statistical information that she provided on the terrors of the meat industry and the treatment of animals. Breaking down exactly how that piece of meat got to your dinner plate or how that milk got into your refrigerator, is not the pretty story you might imagine (or well maybe you wouldn't imagine animals being led to slaughter, or being pumped full of hormones a pretty story... I sure wouldn't). It just seems hard for me to believe that once you read this information or even see pictures (trust me it's terrible) of what happens to that cow, chicken, pig etc. before it makes it way to your supper table, that you could stomach that steak or fried chicken. It definitely turns my stomach. Now I come form a tremendously predominate family of carnivores/omnivores. Being raised in the south, Fried Chicken Sunday lunches with meat gravy and cheese smothered macaroni is every where you turn, especially in family.

Up until about a year ago, I was of the omnivore variety partaking in all the meats that were offered up to me, and peppering it all with some salad, fruits and veggies. I had a passionate love affair with cheese that is something that I still grapple with, and have been a milk drinker my entire life. I knew vaguely of the plight of the animals that I consumed, but it was so easy to forget and just go through life. Just because I enjoyed the cheeseburger doesn't mean I wanted to meet the cow that provided it. Then something started to shift. During my pregnancy with Layla I developed Gestational Diabetes. During that time I had to strictly watch my diet, not partaking in hardly any sugar, not much fruit or juice, calculating my carb intake and pricking my finger 4 times a day. I. did. not. enjoy. it. at. all. That lovely cliche of when you are pregnant you get to eat whatever you want went right out the window. During this time I learned about substitutions for sugar and did my own research on what would be the best one. Although I had used certain artificial sweeteners prior, I stumbled upon a woman's vlog talking about Stevia. Ahhhh...Stevia. This, I feel, is where things started to change. Once I learned of the aspartame in artificial sweeteners and what it does inside your body once it is digested (basically you consuming formaldehyde, you know the stuff they embalm dead bodies with...yeah...gross), I eagerly began researching other ingredients in the food I was consuming. The information I came upon blew my mind! I couldn't help but think, "Do people actually know about this, and they still eat it??" From that day forward I have not used an artificial sweetener. Only raw sugar, Stevia, Agave Nectar, Brown Rice Syrup etc.

So one day I was browsing the blog of the lovely Denise at www.bohophotography.blogspot.com, and she did a vlog reviewing "The Kind Diet" and how amazing she felt doing it. I looked through several other reviews and heard nothing but raves, so I headed to the nearest bookstore and purchased it. I read through the first few chapters as soon as I got it home but, out of sheer lack of time had not gotten the opportunity to finish it. Ah, and how easy it is to revert to old ways when things are out of sight out of mind. Coming home from a recent trip to visit my husbands family on the Kentucky/Ohio line we made a stop through a local McDonalds...(cue famous terrifying music, overly dramatic old hollywood starlet scream!) I ordered a cheeseburger and wolfed it down hungrily, half asleep from my car ride induced nap), not but 10 minutes after consuming said cheeseburger I felt like I had swallowed a brick. It is not normal for me to eat fast food, but the confines of the road led me to that cheeseburger and although in the first bite it reminded me of being a child and going to McDonalds with my parents, the lovely memories soon wore off and all I was left with was a sick stomach. Not long after returning home I pulled "The Kind Diet" from the shelf and began devouring the pages. I have toyed with the idea of going vegan several times since my daughter was born, but I am truly giving it a shot this time. As of right now I am "flirting" which according to her book means you haven't made a fully commitment yet. But I have kept my indulgences to a minimum. I have only eaten meat once. And consumed cheese twice. I do not think right is the best time for me to fully cut everything out of my diet, but I am adding new healthier vegan friendly items to it. I have substituted milk for soymilk (which I love :D), and EarthBalance butter for diary butter. I am still waiting to get some vegan cheese and veganaise to try. But the main consistency of my diet in the last week has been about 90% vegan/vegetarian so may I say whoohoo! for my self.

I already feel lighter. I have a few detox symptoms from cutting the "nasties" out but I am enjoying this feeling of light within me and peace of mind that I am putting things in my body that are going to nourish me.

I hope to continue on this journey, growing more excited by the day. I have just ordered some vegan cookbooks for my birthday and they should be getting here shortly.

Speaking of birthday, goodness, it won't be long. October 22nd. I will be 24. Man, how the years fly...

My intention for the rest of this week is to take care of myself body, mind and spirit, to act instead of react, to stay calm in the face of adversity and to remember the mantra from Sierra "what you think determines how you feel, how feel determines how you behave and how you behave determines what you create."

I'll hopefully update on my journey to wellness, happiness, and wholeness.

Brightest Blessings.

Transformation.

I can feel a change coming.
A good change. I feel the need to cleanse, to purge myself of things that do not serve and begin anew. Exciting things are brewing on the horizon. I will update more on this when I have more time. I can feel the buzz of excitement in the air. The winds of change are blowing...

You and Me. Me and You.

my best friend. my favorite person. my brother.

Joey just being himself...with his lovely lady Andrea

<3

Joe and I on my wedding day.

I have only a little time left to do this.

Today is my brother's 25th birthday. He is in Chicago right now with his sweetheart celebrating and Joey-style I am sure.

Joseph and I are 14 months apart. And we have been THISCLOSE pretty much all our lives together. Never more than 45 minutes away from each other. When he moved to Columbia for a little while I would skip school just to go hang with him for the day. He would take me around to all the best places to eat (He is a future chef and restaurant owner :), and introduce me to all of his musician friends (his other passion MUSIC) and they places they frequented. He's the person I trust to give me a straight answer. The person I know will always have my back. We've had major blowout fights. But made up moments later. I can't imagine my life without him around. We watch our favorite episodes of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 together and crack up at the dry, backhanded humor and ponder how anyone could not think it's absolutely hilarious. He took me out on my 21st birthday and got me smashed (what he calls a 21st birthday to remember...:/ He's been my shoulder to cry on and I his. We've seen each other through losses and joys. We share the same facial features and same awkwardness. Same love of books, real good coffee, lilting harmonies, singing voices, and dancing skills. He's the kind of person who will dance downtown with me after a few beers, and give the clothing off his back for someone he loves. We've been through thick and thin together. A pair. No distance, time or circumstance will ever change that.

I love you Joe.

Happy Birthday Big Brotha.

Love your Sista.

Newness and Growth.

Good Morning.



I am slowly waking, out of the haze of sleep and sipping my cup o' nectar aka: brewed coffee black with usually stevia but today it's organic blue agave nectar. :D. Gotta change it up and keep it interesting.



I have full intentions to start posting a lot more frequently. Sometimes life just gets so hectic it's hard to have the energy to be introspective and hammer out a blog post but I am going to give it my bloggy loving best and try and post AT LEAST once a week. I feel that if you don't document stuff will just get lost in the span of time. And I want to remember.



So what's been going on in the Lovely Chaos lately you ask? Well...



My best friend Amanda just gave birth to her beautiful baby girl!

Peyton Sawyer came into the world on August 22 2010 at 7:15 p.m

These are some of the photos that were taken at the birth and I took them and edited and enhanced them for her as a gift. Isn't she beautiful? It's so bittersweet. I am so happy for her and her precious new addition, but at the same time there is a feeling of longing and sadness because I know that Layla will never be that tiny ever again. It just reminds me how fleeting life is. And how every single moment should be cherished. I am doing my best to absorb all the adorable goodness that Layla is at this age. She is so curious and into everything. Every morning that I come to pick her up from her crib she pulls up to standing, beams at me and says "Hey!". At almost 13 months she has such an extensive vocabulary. Saying about 16 words so far, I think is a great accomplishment for a baby her age.

Words (or attempts at words) that Layla knows so far:

1. Mama
2. Dada
3. Nana
4. Papa
5. Baby
6. Kitty
7. Pretty
8. Cookie
9. No No (lol.)
10. Hey
11. Bye
12. Nee-Nee (her name for my sister Jenny)
13. Ni (her name for my nephew Nick)
14. BoBo (her stuffed monkey she sleeps with every night...she named him :D)
15. Baba (bottle)
16. bite bite (when she wants to eat)

Words that she's working on but hasn't quite mastered yet lol...

17. Kiss Kiss
18. Duck (she says "Du"... but no ck)
19. Shoes ( she says "Sheesh..lol)
20. Book ( she says "Bu" I think she's working around the "K" sound)
21. Hot (she says "Ha" Every morning when I am having my morning coffee, whenever she's near me, she tries to stick her fingers in my cup, and I am trying to tell her "HOT", I have even touched her little fingers to the side of the mug (no it was not warm enough to burn her), and said HOT. And she'll point her finger at the cup and shake her head "no no".

I was visiting Amanda and Peyton yesterday and just enjoying watching her with her new little one, thinking how much Layla has grown and changed in a year. It's truly remarkable. I remember my first few days at home with her and wondering if I would ever get any sleep ever again, (dramatic I know...) and now Layla is sleeping through the night, mostly, and feeding herself almost exclusively, amusing herself flipping through the pages of her favorite books, pulling up to standing and just growing and changing every single day.

My husband has been in Germany for the last few weeks on a training mission, and I know he's chomping at the bit to get back home. He was teary eyed when he left this time, although he's had to do short 2 week deployments since Layla has been born before. He is not a cryer. I have seen him cry 5 times in the last almost 8 years that we have been together and that included when his grandmother died, when Layla was born, and when we separated for a short while. He held her, dressed in his uniform, telling her "Daddy loves you..." And I could tell he was hurting. He told me "It's harder this time...she's actually going to be aware that I am not here now." He kissed her and handed her to me to go put her down for her nap and turned away and I could see tears in his eyes. I know he feels like he's going to miss so many little moments with her that he can't ever get back. But I do my best to capture them, whether they be on camera, in a photo or writing them down. That is just the price you pay for service to your country.

We have about 1 week left until he'll be on his way home and I am excited! I'm gonna be working to get the house in order before he gets here. Everything kind of borders on chaos when he's gone. I'm lucky if I make it to the end of the day without baby food in my hair, tripping over books and toys, and got a load of laundry done.

Ah what a beautiful life :)
I wouldn't trade it for the world.