Baby It's Cold Outside.

Busy. Busy. Busy-ness.

That is what has been going on around here of late. Working on getting the house in tip top shape before the holidays get into full swing. This is my absolute FAVORITE time of the year! When a chilly wind starts blowing through, hot chocolate is served in huge mugs, and sweaters and scarves abound. The time of year that makes you want to cozy up close to a crackling fire with a good book and a cup-o-cheer :).

With Thanksgiving on it's way and visiting with loved ones that I don't get to see that often, holiday themed activities, Cookie Day (a family holiday- we get together every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas and spend the whole day making cookies, put a big pot of soup or chili on the stove, some crusty bread and stuff ourselves silly. But there are usually so many cookies that usually get distributed as gifts.)I can't help but feel the first twinkles of dare-I-say Holiday/Christmas merriment? Yeah I think I feel pretty comfortable saying that. Not to run over Thanksgiving and jump right into Christmas trees, but it's hard to ignore when all the telephone poles down main street in my little town already have their annual Holiday lights up....hmmmm...well if you can't beat em' join em', at least when it comes to celebrating the season!

So for now I will keep this post slightly short and sweet with a few things that are making me smile right now. Enjoy!


yum!

truth.

I have an unhealthy burlap addiction. It's not pretty. I must make this.

Layered Love.

Precious. I want a photo of Layla just like this this year.

Hope everyone has a very blessed weekend!

25 Trips Around the Sun.

Thank you.

Thank you for gifting me the last 25 years of my life.

Thank you for all the heart wrenching "dark night of the soul" type moments.

Thank you for all the rich ecstatically joyous moments.

All the HUGE things. All the teeny tiny things.

For all the things that I forget to say Thank You for, and for moments that will stay with me forever.

Thank you.

I just want to soak up every delicious moment of this day.

And live every one, no matter what with a heart full of love, a soul filled with joy, and an attitude of gratitude. Always.

To this 25th birthday and many many more to come. Thank you for all the blessings I am privileged to have and I cannot wait to see what this next amazing year will bring.

Happy Birthday to me :).

Your human-ness is showing.

It's funny how there are times when you feel like you've grown and changed and morphed into this enlightened, open person full of wisdom and then the universe lobs a curve ball your way to knock you down off your high horse right when you need it.

Thank goodness I have to the guidance to receive it with grace and not resist the constructive criticism. :)

I have been sitting with some emotions and thought processes that have come to my attention as of late. It's been a struggle to humble myself and admit (to myself) that there are things that I still need to dig into soulfully. I love how the universe leaves little messages through some of the most interesting avenues for me to find, like little jewels dropped along my pathway to lead me in the right direction.

The thing that I keep coming back to lately is letting my emotions wrap me in their hurricane and jerk me all over the place until the fallout is all that's left. I know there are trials and tests in life, usually in the areas that you struggle with the most because that is where you need the most growth. For me it is my patience. My compassion. My fuse can be so short sometimes. With the people that I love the dearest. I know this logically that when I let my emotions just run rough-shot all over my day and I REACT instantly instead of breathing into the emotion and recognizing it for what it is and letting it pass through, some definite damage can be done. And I don't like that about myself. It's an ugly part of me. When I speak a little to harshly to my husband over something trivial because of my insatiable desire to control my world (when that is fruitless and I know it...Great Spirit is that you laughing right now...yeah I though so...:), or when I reach my patience quotient for the day with my daughter when she is throwing a temper tantrum because her movie went off or because she's out of milk. These are my struggles. And I get sad looking back on these moments. Because I know how precious and fleeting they are. And it hurts my heart that, I could've handled it so much differently.

I know I am human. And as a human I am genetically programed to be imperfect. But squaring with yourself, taking a breath, and taking an honest assessment of your words and actions can really make you stop and think. I feel like sometimes, I am snappy, or irritable etc. because I have built up the wall that is the HUGE elephant in the room and if I act irritated or grouchy then others cannot see my vulnerabilities.

But I recognize them. And even though I am unsure if they will ever be conquered entirely. I strive to be more in touch with my heart. My emotions. More grounded in myself and real true life. My eyes are stinging right now with tears as I type this with gratefulness for what I have been blessed with. How little things can get in the way during a busy day when I should be thanking my husband for all that he does, and holding my daughter close even when she is fussy because soon she will be gone from my arms and a grown woman, living in this crazy beautiful world.

My birthday is coming soon. In a few weeks. I'll be 25. And I've told myself I am not allowed to have a quarter-life crisis ;). But I can definitely feel how someone could. I noticed my first laugh lines at the corners of my eyes. Very small ones. But they're there none the less. And it scared me. It's hitting me hard lately that I am truly and absolutely going to age. Then I started thinking about mortality. My mortality. And how there will be a time when I will not walk this earth. I will not smell the fresh rain, like the kind that fell this afternoon. Or touch my baby's soft hair and smell her sweet scent or hear her "I love you too mommmy's", see my husband's smile, my mother's hugs. And it wrenched my heart. But it also made me that much more acutely aware. How life can slip past you if you aren't paying attention.

Be present. Be here now. That is my focus. Because the days when I find myself living in each individual moment. Reading a book to my daughter, washing the dinner dishes, creating something beautiful for someone I love, sipping my coffee. It's like everything is brighter, clearer, more vibrant, more precious. So I take these moments. All of them. I soak in them and breathe them in because they will all too soon turn to memories.

Today appreciate each moment. Each bite of food. Each laugh. Each tear. Read that book to your child for the 50th time. Hug your loved ones extra long. Stop waiting for your life to being. Because you are in it. Live it out loud. Live from your soul and trust your heart.

It's a beautiful life. Doesn't it go by in a blink?...

I Choose.

"Aaaahhhhh..."

That is a sigh of a mama.
A sigh of contentment.
Little one is tucked away in bed finally asleep.
The husband is upstairs, snoozing away, exhausted from a long drill weekend.
And a momma in her craft room, surrounded by books waiting to be read, a fall craft project that I am in the middle of finishing and a steaming cup of tea.
Yea. This is the stuff.

I feel really good right now. In this moment. Very connected. Grounded which I haven't felt in a while. The frazzles I've had definitely could've been contributed to the Mercury retrograde that just wrapped itself up a few weeks ago. But tonight I feel like I am right where I should be.

I've been sitting with things lately. Trying to not fight against the flow of life. If someone says something upsetting to me I don't let it hook me. I just let it flow. If Layla is grumpy and showing it, I let it flow. I remember that I don't have to let other's emotions and negativity become my own. I know that I fall down and make mistakes but I am becoming more and more aware of the lessons these stumbles bring forth.

I can feel a stirring. An awakening beginning that I always feel at this time of year. This is my time of year. I am a fall baby after all. But the cooling of the air, the falling leaves, the scent of wood smoke on the wind, the burnt orange, golden yellow, and deep burgundies of the sunset, all speak to my soul in some way. This season breathes fresh life into me when I feel just about to burn out from all the endless southern heat.

Lately I have had this message coming through to me, a message to take that leap of faith into the unknown. That there will be someone there to catch me. The leap to be free. To dive into the bliss of living a limitless life. To shake off the shackles and free that all that love and joy within me to live this life to the fullest and not let anything stop me. I has struggled in the past, in a victimized state of mind. Letting my relationships to my loved ones, my failures, my situations define and contain me. But I feel something has shifted. I know that I CHOOSE to be happy. To live a life filled with joy. To look at all that I am blessed with, with gratitude. To open my heart to all that abundance and unbridled possibility. It's exhilerating.

I talked to a friend the other day that I haven't talked to in years because of a disagreement that we had, and something that had hurt me deeply. We were very close at a point in our young lives, and she messaged me online just to say hello. And it was like the floodgates opened. I felt this nudge inside me..."talk to her." it said. And I listened. We've exchanged some short conversations so far but have plans to meet soon for a long overdue lunch to really catch up. Our lives have changed so much. We are both married, both have children, I have one, she two. It's just crazy how much time has gone by. And I told myself. I choose forgiveness. I choose joy. I choose daily gratitude. Moment by moment gratitude, in the throws of 2 year old fits over which movie my daughter wants to watch. I choose to be seen. For all my faults and imperfections. For all my beauty and amazing qualities. For my authentic self. For my heart. For my soul. For me.

Just me.

all good things.

Today I am grateful for...

-time to dive into a pile of books that I have been wanting to read, flipping through and just being in love with the words on the page.

-cleaning bit by bit throughout the week and not letting my perfectionism get in the way.

-appreciating creativity and how I have been crafting more and more lately. a habit that I will surely be continuing.

-hearing "hey mommy..." randomly from my little one, and her running to me, hugging me, and then running off to play.

-the boxes of fall decorations that are waiting for me tomorrow. Oh yes. It has begun.

-the smell of fall fully in the air today, the cooling down of the air and the leaves starting to change.

-cinnamon in my coffee.

-laughing so hard on my weekly lunch date with my dad I couldn't catch my breath. I love my time with my Daddy so much.

-the smell of clean laundry, fresh from the dryer.

-hope and possibility. how you can change your perspective at anytime and live a fuller, richer, more joyful life.

-taking the time to appreciate all the little things.

Dance in the wind.

I wanted to share a few things I have been sitting with for the last few days.

I think every mother (and probably every father) at one point or another tries to be "SuperMom" or "SuperDad". Trying to do the right thing, say the right thing, feed your child the right thing, use the right 'gentle parenting' methodology, discipline gently but firmly, all the while trying to keep a spotlessly clean house and fashionably dressed and have all your ducks in a row. You feel constantly like you are on a treadmill you can't get off.

At least that's the way I tend to feel from time to time. Then a realization, a rememberance comes out of the fog and whispers...

"just let go Jess..."

LET GO.

Stop trying to be and JUST BE. Stop trying to make your life into anything and just LIVE IT.

Enjoy it. Take deep breaths. Delight in every bite of food you take. Dance with your daughter to the radio. Read your favorite books until you fall asleep at night. Kiss your husband and feel all those butterflies you felt the first time you kissed him.

LET GO and LIVE.


This is somehting that I have been working with today and just thought that I would share it.

You hold the key to your happiness. The only person standing in your way is you.

Mantra of the day:

I am releasing control.
I am letting go and letting it be.
I am the light. I am the love. I am the flow.

friend.

Hello all :)

I promised birthday party pictures and they are soon to arrive but I had the urge to post this tonight.

Compassion.

I have been facing some shadows with certain family members of mine, and it's been a really rough road. It's a female member of my family who is very dear to me, and it's been very hard for me to try and stay positive and be compassionate towards this person because of this situation. Without giving to many details, because it's a very personal matter, I never realized how my relationship with this person and these trials effected me on such a massive scale.

Lately I have had this feeling.
This craving.
A deep primal urge for a female connection. For a circle, a tribe of women to be surrounded and supported by. To be my strength when I feel weak, and vice verse. Even just one, one true friend who would listen to me ramble, laughing over coffee while our children played, or just letting me cry and just hugging me.

I had this, in high school. When I was younger. A few certain friends and I were inseparable. But life and time have a funny way of putting spaces between you that you can feel like you can't get across. One went off to a different college and is still single and living the young mid 20's life. Another is also married with a little one, and working full time. Several others over time have fallen off after I got married and especially after Layla was born.

I feel like I haven't been able to reconnect in a way on a intimate level with them, although we do our best to keep in touch. Life just flies by and before you know it, you realize your list of friends has dwindled down to less than a few.

I am curious if there are other mothers, women, young women, older women who feel like this.

I feel like lately (and this could be hormones and PMS talking...lol), I could cry at the slightest bit of emotional connection, for the sheer relief of it. That feeling of being supported and cared for by another, of just love untainted. Truth has been moving me so much. Realness. A picture of a woman who obviously has conceived and birthed several children, her open, honesty, of her naked frame, the stretch marks the wrinkled loose skin, age, it literally made my breath catch in my throat.

We need more of this. More exposure. My raw unapologetic truth. We have been spoiled on perfection and it's boring and predictable. And sad. Give me real. Any day.

I send my intention out into the universe that a true female friend will be brought to me when the time is right. Someone to supplement my life. Someone who wants to be friends with me because they genuinely appreciate my company and feel enriched by being close to me as well.

I know these feelings stem from what is going on with said female family member, but I feel like really that just barely scratched the surface of a desire for a connection. The purity of true friendship, intimacy, joy in being around someone that you relate to on so many levels.

These are just some thoughts that have been running around in my mind of late. For those of you reading this, have you ever felt like this? And if you have a female friend in your life whether it be a sister, mother, daughter, or best girlfriend, tell her how much she means to you or better yet show her. I almost wrote to pick up the phone but no...GO. Go see her. Go hug her. Sometimes a hug can mean so much more than the sum of itself.

There are not enough hugs being given.

Give more hugs. And more compassion. And more truth.