Uprooted.

"I let go.

I let flow.

I remember what a gift this is.

I surrender.

All my silly worries and fears

They no longer serve."

-Peace and Love-

by: Cora Flora

Breathing.  All I want to do is fill my soul with love.  And extend love into all that I see.

These last few months have been waves of change in my life.  Now in my own home. 

My first house.

My life in boxes.  Still waiting to be unpacked and put in their place.

To be expressed.

A soul sanctuary of nourishment.  of joy. of bliss. of peace.

After years of living in chaos with people that I loved but that didn't  nourish my soul.

I still feel a bit unraveled.  Still packed away inside the boxes of things that are my belongings.

Myself packed away.

Ready to flow open.  To "integrate my soul".

Listening to the music of my heart. 

Cora Flora is so lovely.

If you don't know who she is, check her out here.

I flow in and out of this space as I am called.  I would love to be here more.

I haven't even written in my own personal journal since I moved.

I needed this moment to express my heart, where I am right now.

I have been feeling very pulled apart inside.  Not rooted.

Which I am sure is to be expected given the circumstances. 

I find myself getting short with those I love.  Saying things hurtful.  Being cold.

And it breaks my heart every time I do it.

Lashing out the ugliness that I feel for myself on the inside at time.

"Not enough."  "Not good enough."  "Do More." "Be More."  

"You could be so much better if you would just be this."

I have let my self love fall to the side during this process.

Instead of resting when I'm tired.  I press on unpacking, urged on by perfectionism.

Instead of taking care of my body, stretching, sweating, eating food that truly FUELS and FILLS my body and soul, I eat things that are spiritually bereft and nutritionally dead.

And I am left feeling as such.

You truly are what you consume.

Mentally, Physically, Spiritually, and Energetically.

My word of 2014 was something I stumbled on about a month or so ago, a little while after the new year but perfectly resonant none the less.

My word for this year is

BRAVE.

Not the bravado parading around as though nothing can cut her down.

Real, COURAGE.

The transparency and vulnerability that comes with being truly BRAVE.

AUTHENTICITY.

OPENNESS.

TRUTH.

LIVING YOUR PASSION...YOUR FIRE...YOUR GODDESS SELF OUT LOUD.

LIVING WILDLY.

BEING TRULY.

WHO YOU ARE.

And I find that when the ego side of myself comes out.  The hateful words.  The thoughts that would eviscerate someone's sense of self worth.  That I would never dream of saying to another person.  They sneak out in little moments when I am most doubtful of my TRUE INFINITE POTENTIAL.

I am learning to embrace those parts too.

The dark shadowy places of myself that seem a little harder to love.

Like a discouraged child, who really just wants to be held.

To be seen and accepted.

Integrating all parts of ME.

This is an never ending journey.

And I desire to live truly as me every step of the way.

The Story of A Year.

 

As the year is surely winding down, the inward reflection begins.

When this year began I was in a very different place.

A place of transition.

Of not knowing which end was up.

My heart was still deeply raw and hurt.

A wound bleeding out that had yet to begin to heal.

Soul shaking fear that at times felt all consuming as if it would swallow me down and never let me go.

At this time last year,  I could not see.

I could not see the blessing...the growth that was taking place.

What this fear, this visceral reaction happening in my body.

My soul was literally forcing me to sit up and face my emotions.

It was as if my guides, my Spirit was working through me, even though my ego wanted so badly to run.

My Soul would not let me.  It forced me to stay present.  

In my body.

To FEEL.

And it hurt.  It broke my heart.  I felt vulnerable.

Too exposed to the harshness of my emotions.

Afraid of what was in them if I let myself dig my hands in and unearth them.

Afraid that if I let those emotions in, let them loose, they would shake me until I broke into a million pieces, never to be put together again.

I remember saying, "If I let the flood gate open, I may never be able to shut it again."

Little did I know then, that is exactly what would happen.

The thing about holding back the rushing water of emotions, it will eventually burst forth.

There IS no stopping it.

You may be able to hold it bay for a while but it will inevitably break down any futile walls you have constructed and like a salty oceans tide cleanse everything it touches.

The dam broke.

All my trying to hold it together faltered.

And the tide rushed in.

And it broke me.

The heart wrenching sobs, the animal screams, the deep wells of sorrow and anger and hurt, they came forth.

They are STILL coming forth from time to time.

And I have never been able to shut that floodgate again.

And I never want to.

I never want to bottle my heart again.

I never want to lock my soul, my truth away ever again.

She is beautiful.

She is me.

She is the me that I had to find the courage to be.

And I am still becoming her all the time.

A year ago at this time, I was living in constant fear of being seen.

And now

the gate is flung wide open.

And it is messy.

It is real.

I have been seen.

I have been loved.

I am my truth.

I am She.

Feeling.

Here.

Raw emotion.  I have been here.  and there. and everywhere.

In sound and in silence.

Waves of feeling.  High tide and low.  And I have been doing my best to ride them.  At times floating, and others fighting drowning.  

These feelings.  These emotions.  My empathy.  I feel so much, my heart could burst.

I feel so much joy.  So much richness and gratitude.  

And I feel deep wells of pain.  

Myself and of others.

As if I have stepped into the whisper of light around someones skin, their aura and am feeling whatever they are.  Vibrating at the crescendo of connected happiness and love or the lonely cry in the emptiness of sadness.

And it's all beautiful.  And real.  But all intense in it's own unique way.

There are moments where my heart feels dry and crumbled as if with the slightest brush of fingertips it would fall to dust like pages of an old book left to turn to ash.

And other moments where my body, my mind my soul feel so fluid, lush and free that I could float suspended in that delicious moment eternally.

I am here.  I am feeling.  I am processing.  I am present.  

I am letting go of shoulds.  And holding onto now.  Breathing in life.  Living in now.  Releasing then and when.  

Just now. 

 Just here.

  Just me.

I want to be here more. 

 To share like this more.

Open.  Here.  Now.

Finding a Moment to Live.

Hello.

:)

More to come soon.

Busy living.

Breathing in such a different, raw, real space.

I want to share so much and will so very soon.

So much love to anyone who wanders here.  I am here.  Waiting to find a moment to spill my truth, the goings on of my daily life in this space.

Until then.

So much love.

I am still here.

I'm still here.

Been flowing in and out of this space, in and out of the ebb and flow of life.

Breathing deep and letting what is be what is.

I think I am going to refer to 2013 as my Year of Challenge.

Because that is what has been happening.

A challenge.

The gauntlet has been thrown down at my feet again and again.

Sometimes daily.

And life has asked me to rise up.

Rise up, and meet each challenge.

And I have had a choice to stand, and meet each one head on or run.

And there are days, when everything in me screams to RUN.  To RETREAT.

  To TAKE THE EASY ROAD.

But...then my Spirit, my Soul, my Inner Voice...

nudges me and says...."Rise...Rise my daughter."

"There is a well in you, deeper than you can fathom.  A light so bright it SHATTERS the darkness.  Remember who you are.  And Rise.  Meet the darkness.  For when you do it will flee in the face of your BRILLIANCE.

And so each time I rise.

And sometimes, it's simply a quiet, "I will try again."

And other times, it's a ROAR from deep within the ancient recesses of my beginning.

A roar of "I AM!" claiming my presence.

And the fear is still there.

It's there, floating around me.

But we are no longer at war, fear and I.

Fear has been my teacher.

My guide.

My map through the forest of inauthenticity.

It has been what has shook me awake.

That this is not the time for being faint of heart.

Fear has been the call to take up my bow and arrow and shoot straight into the heart of that darkness.

To shatter it with the brilliance of truth.

Exploding it into a million pieces of stardust.

I thought fear was my enemy.

But it was my soul telling me.

"You can do this."

"You have it within you to move mountains with your loving heart, to shake the earth with your pounding feet in the dance of joy, to fill all the oceans with your tears of vulnerability and truth.

You have it in you to be everything you've been searching for all along.

I am still here.

I have always been here.

I always will be.

 

Just Me.

I feel like me today. 

 The real authentic me.

  And I love her so.

  I love even the inauthentic parts. 

 The parts where I pretend.

  And I hide.

  But today I am really me.

  I am remembering things that I love. 

 Things that I loved when I was a teenager.

  People who inspire me.

  I am realizing somethings today as well.

  That I am an awesome person.

  Not in a "big headed way."  But that for so many years, of abuse and bullshit and feeling so low and losing that spark inside that made me ME.

  I listened to those ugly projective voices. 

 And I have been in it of late in the last few months.

  Digging.  Searching for her again.

  And she's always been here underneath even if I wander in aimless circles searching for her.

  Making apologies for letting her come out to play.

 FUCK THAT.

  I hate that. 

 I am sick of apologizing for her, the real me.

If you love me, you will love all of me.

  I LOVE ME. 

  I made a promise to myself a while back that I would never live a life again that shut her up.

  That stuck her in a corner and told her to be quiet and be NICE. 

 To please everyone else but her.

  FUCK THAT.

  I want a big hot fudge sundae with all the toppings, wearing my prettiest dress, my messy hair everywhere and paint all over my hands dancing to MY favorite music, surrounded by books, talking and laughing too loud and living exactly like I want to.

  Living MY dreams.  BEING EXACTLY WHO I AM. 

  And never making apologies for myself again.

  There is NOT A DAMN THING WRONG WITH ME.

  If someone does not like this REAL ME.

  Then they can go take a long walk off a short fucking pier.

  I have lived for so long afraid.

  Afraid of pissing someone off, of being TOO MUCH for someone and them not liking it.

  For me making a mistake, saying, doing, being the wrong thing.

  I AM DONE.

  From this day forward I am going to love me exactly as I am.

  I am going to affirm this to myself everyday.

  1 million times a day.

  I don't want to live a life with anyone that doesn't love the real me.

  What kind of life is that?

  That's a half life, an in the corner, being nice life.

  And they can fucking keep that.

  I want to LIVE WILD.  TO LIVE JOYFUL.  TO LOVE MYSELF FULLY AND COMPLETELY.  And to give a flying middle finger, smile and a wave to anyone that doesn't like that.

THIS IS MY LIFE.

And I am going to live it, FOR ME.  For just ME.

I can feel it.

So many shifts already.

Breathe in, Breathe out.

Digging deep into the darkest corners.

Places that hurt.  That have been long covered.

Places that in the digging have brought tears.

Tears of a pain that aches so bad at times I want to cry out in agony.

But after the pain.  

The healing.

The salt from my tears washes clean those dark places.

Breaks them open to the light of TRUTH.

I am facing my shadows.

And I am scared out of my mind most of the time.

But I'm feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

I am feeling.

I am experiencing.

I am HEALING.

Moment to Moment.

I am.

I can feel her.

Moving, Speaking, Dancing, Laughing, Crying, Loving

THROUGH ME.

My tears turn into a battle cry.

Because that's where I am.

I am in a battle with FEAR.

The Unknown.  The Lies.  The perceptions.

My inner world is being shaken down and is being reflected outside of me.

I CAN FEEL IT.

It's hard and it hurts.

And it's GLORIOUS.

THE ENERGY IS MOVING.

Places that were stuck are starting to flow, like snow melting into streams.

AND I CAN SEE HER.

MY SOUL.

MY AUTHENTIC SELF.

AND SHE IS SO BRIGHT THAT SHE EXPLODES EVERYTHING AROUND HER INTO STARDUST.

And I know that I am going to be better than okay. 

Better than fine.

I am going to step into exactly who I am.

I will always survive.

I will heal and tell my story.

My journey for all to hear.

I will help them remember.

Moment to Moment.

To never forget who they are.

Who they always have been.

Who I always have been.

You Are.

Time.

It passes.  No matter what we do it always passes.  

It has been a season of releasing.  Of letting go.  And sitting in the stillness of what is.

A dear friend lost her father a few weeks ago.  How something like that can hit you out of the blue.  So many tears shed and blessings poured out onto her and her family in this time of  transition.  

My own release.  

Working to release what doesn't serve me.  

Old thought patterns that drain instead of uplift.

Old energy.  Dragging the proverbial skeletons out of the closet and given them a ritual throwin' out.

It is not an easy or pain free process.

But it is necessary.

Working on not running from discomfort.

But learning to sit with it.  To lean into it.  

To look my fears in the face and embrace them.

Embrace myself.  

With kindness and compassion.

To love myself for all the spaces that I lack and the times when I falter.

Especially for those times.  Because those are the times when it is needed most.

The "new year" is coming.

Shifting.  And change.  

Feeling it.

So in the spirit of the stillness that comes before the doors to a new year are flung wide open.

I finish here for now with this.

Not a resolution.

But a promise to myself.

"Dear Self.  I promise that whatever comes this year, EVERYTHING will be okay.  The joys and 

triumphs.  The lessons and stumbles.  

YOU ARE SUPPORTED.

  YOU ARE LOVED.

  YOU ARE 

WRAPPED IN THE EVER PRESENT LIGHT THAT IS ALWAYS WITHIN YOU.

YOU ARE STRONG.

YOU ARE A GODDESS."

"For I have been with you since the beginning..."

 -the Charge of the Goddess

-

Separate but Parallel.

The weather is changing.

Cool, crisp, golden sunlight mornings.

The first thrill of autumn coming to rest lightly on the world.

My life is changing too.

I've spent the last few weeks on my own.

Separate.

Separate but still in contact with him.  

For our daughter.  At first.  Then some heart felt conversations sprang forth from the chaos.  Realizations that he is having.  About himself.  About us.  About life.  Trying to put the wheels in motion to re-create himself.  To seek out those dark places inside and shed the beautiful light and love of the universe onto them.  Even when it hurts.   Even when it's hard.

Necessary change.

It will be a long time coming if ever and only time will tell, but...a little ribbon of hope has been discovered floating in this autumn wind.

Through major healing.  On my part.  On his part.  Speaking to wise sages who've tread the path we walk.  Who can impart wisdom.  Time apart and space.  Freedom to discover who we are.

We will walk this road.  Separate but parallel.  

And see where we end up.

Trusting the process.  The healing elixir of time.

Blessings to you all and a very Happy Belated Autumn Equinox.

 

It must be the end of the road.

I am going through huge shifts in my life right now.

Everything has changed.

I am now looking at a whole new universe and I just feel overwhelmed.

And for some reason tonight I just feel numb.

I have gone through about 50 bajillion different emotions about it all.

I have been having trouble sleeping.  Which has never been a problem for me.

I don't remember my dreams, but I wake feeling not rested, like I spent all night running.

I don't know when all this will change.  And I will find a new normal.  But for now it's disorienting, liberating, and exhausting.

But I will keep on going.  I will find that new normal.  Because I deserve happiness.  I deserve to live free.  To be myself.  To live from my heart.  And to never ever again settle for less.

"It must be the end of the road.  It must be the end of you and I and forever too.  I'm walking the last bridge alone.  I'm giving up on the good times and the bad we knew."  --Me, Myself and I by: Hanson

I Remember.

Never Let Me Go. 

(open this in an additional window and listen.)

Stream of Consciousness Writing from my journal this morning.

 I Remember.

 I feel awakened.

To live a Spirit filled joyous life.

 Shift your perspective.

 Fill each moment with joy and light and happiness.

 Dance out your emotions.

 LIVE FREE.

 You were ALWAYS FREE.

 You just had to REMEMBER.

 You have ALWAYS been you.

 You have ALWAYS been a Goddess.

 You have ALWAYS been in that ecstatic state.

 Love, Freedom, Joy, Spirit. Have ALWAYS been yours.

 You just needed to REMEMBER.

 No once can hold you down.

 No one has power over you.

 You are a Warrior Goddess.

 You do not have to live shackled.

 You are delivered.

 YOU ARE FREE.

A Human BE-ing.

Have been riding the wave of many ups and downs of late. Some emotional turbulence and some crests of joy. All my own. All my story. All my journey. Today I am taking for myself. For healing. Healing of my body, my mind, my heart. Layla turned 3 this past week. And I have sweet, precious photos to share. And they will come soon. But for today I am taking the time out to BE. Be here with myself right now. I will post again very soon. But for now here is my to do list. Slow down. Let go. Get outside. Read. Rest. Relax. Breathe. Fill up my inner gas tank. Be Happy. Be Blessed. Be Grateful. I Am Enough. Love and Blessings.

Busy Livin' :)

:) Hey guys. I'm still here. Just busy doing lots of this. I'll post an update soon. But for now it's back to that little girl, that smile on my face and summertime!

At Your Core, You are Divine.

I have got to write here more often.

I have been blog browsing and am just so inspired by the little bits and pieces of each day that's documented. Every smile. Every running late breakfast. Every mess. Every activity. Little snippets of true life. It makes me feel all the more normal. And it's good. Good to see real life as opposed to all the over processed "reality" that's blared at us through a glowing box telling us about "life".

The imperfection is beautiful.

I have been really enjoying my Instagram app on my Itouch. It allows me to record precious little moments without all the excess hubbub. Imperfect moments. That is where I am at right now. Imperfect. Rolling it around in my brain and seeing how it feels. There are many things about me and my life that are imperfect. "Flawed". Being a stay at home mom, if nothing else gives me a lot of time for self reflection. Sometimes too much time. Like "I need to get out of my head before I drive myself mad." time. But nonetheless I have been using that opportunity to ponder my self perceived imperfections. And what they mean. What they are trying to teach me. Because I believe in any area of life that you struggle or is challenging, there is a lesson to be learned, a truth.

At twenty-five, I have struggled and sometimes I learned from those trials and other times it had to hit me over the head a few times before I "got it". My perception of my imperfect body is one of them. I just a few moments ago stopped by this amazing woman's blog not only is her art GOREGOUS but she is BEAUTIFUL. Beautiful for sharing her unabashed truth. She recently posted a couple of photos of herself, dressed in adorable undies (which I have those same ones by the way :) ), and her daughter loving touching her tummy. Her mama tummy. And it is just luscious and beautiful and made me think of my own tummy. A tummy that I have often looked at with anger, disgust, loathing and sadness. Longing for what it wasn't. These photos of her brought to light an ache in my heart. An ache to accept myself. My body. My mama tummy. My imperfections. With just as much rawness and wild woman awesomeness as her. So to Erin, thank you. Thank you for the beauty that you are sharing with the world. Through your art, and through your life. You are truly an amazing soul.

Erin's photo inspired me to do something that makes my knees knock and my heart race with anxiety but I'm going to do it anyway. I am going to face my fear and post a picture of my own "mama tummy". If you leave a comment please be gentle and mindful that this is a sensitive issue for me and I want this place to be one of safety and loving exchange.

So, (exhale) her goes nothin'...




So there you have it. My mama tummy. It may get smaller, more toned, bigger, less toned whatever, but it's mine. It carried my daughter, it helps me to process all the delicious food I have ever had into fuel for my day, it has helped me birth life into this world. And I am grateful for it. I hope that I can continue to see it with new eyes with beauty, gratitude and love. To feel delicious not disgusted. Sensual not sad about it. And loving towards it not lashing it with unkind words, pinching and pulling wishing it to be something else.

I hope that even just one person will see this and feel better about themselves and their own amazing bodies.

Have a blessed weekend.

All Good Things.

A hand painted sign I did in my craft room to remind me what is important.

I have been planning an update for a while now but a round of the tummy-ickys have had us cuddled up with saltines and ginger ale all week. But seeing as we are on the mend, I figured now was as good a time as any to slap an update together :).

My husband just recently updated his phone to a "Droid" (I think that's what it is called...I don't know cell phones :) ) and gifted me with his disconnected Iphone. Me not being the techie type was uber excited about several Apps, the most exciting being, Instagram. Let's just say I have been going Instagram crazy for the last 2 weeks! It makes it really easy to take daily pictures of the simple ordinary moments that I wouldn't normally grab my big camera to capture. Little moments that would've gotten lost in the sands of time. It's amazing when you look back through photos that you have taken how the little moments are some of the most hear tugging. So without further ado, here is my last week in Instagram snap shots. Enjoy


C'est Moi.

watercolor. where I'm meant to be.

sittin' and spinnin'

From my Valentine.

afternoon light.

precious moment captured.

Happiness.

Small precious moments. These are the ones that make you realize that all life is just that. Moments. Gratitude for those moments. And I am very grateful. Even in this "not feeling so good" time, I am grateful. Because it will pass and life will pick up again. This has forced us to slow down and be present here and now. Taking a deep breath and drinking it all in.

Blessings and hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week!

Best of Intentions :)

Oh the open road of possibility!


Okay. :)

I have been taking some delicious time to get some things on the home front in order, but this afternoon of stormy, dark sky, windy weather, I felt would be a good time write a post.

I know it's a bit belated, but I wanted to talk about some thoughts, intentions for the New Year. I like "intentions" better than resolutions. Resolutions bring up the thought of berating of the self and bad fad diets.

So here's to New Years "Intentions".

I would like to share my list for the things that I intend for the coming rotation around the sun.

1. My phrase for this year is "WHY NOT!! :)". In the vein of why can't every amazing thing that you desire for yourself be possible? Why does it have to be tempered with a pessimistic attitude of "we don't have enough money" or "it will take forever..." blah blah NO MORE! I am adopting an attitude of "WHY THE HELL NOT!" and seeing where that lovely goodness takes me.

2. Instead of having "should-y" thoughts. I release all my shoulds. Your "shoulds" are when you say to yourself, I SHOULD eat a head of broccoli instead of that wedge of cake. Or I should be better at cleaning up. Or I shouldn't this, that or the other thing. I am DONE with shoulds!!!! I will do exactly what my heart calls me to do! I know there are daily responsibilities in life and that's fine! But no more guilt! In the words of Brene Brown, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough...". Amen Sister!

3. Love myself by doing things that enrich my soul and my passion for life. Create. Read. Loving physical movement i.e yoga, hooping, dancing, sex, playing with Layla, laughing so hard I can't breathe with my best friends. No guilt trips. Again with the no shoulds. Fill my days with things that bring me joy. Nourish and care for my body and spirit by doing things that I love.

4. RELAX. Learn the beauty of idleness. This one is huge. As a habitual "Need to DO-er", I constantly am in a state of GET IT DONE NOW. I'll have to be gentle with myself. But when I find myself idle for a moment, instead of prodding myself into action, I will whisper to myself "just breathe into it...relax. It's okay. You are safe. You can just sit here and be. The world will not fall down around you. :). Enjoying the moment.

5. Take at least one picture a day. Bwahaha! :) Okay I'm sorry I had to laugh at this one because I'm already slacking. But it's good that I am writing this out, because it will remind me to. Just one random picture a day. I think I can wrap my will around that.

6. Delve more into photography skills. Learning all the bits and bobs of my camera and my focus, natural lighting, post process editing etc. Not because I SHOULD ;) but because I have a fire in my soul for photos and capturing memories. I want to be able to look back at this precious time in my life when my hair has started to gray, and I have more wrinkles than freckles and feel my heart well up with joy of my life and all the beautiful memories I created.

7. Integrate a steady yoga practice into your daily life. I am doing pretty well at this one so far, I am proud to say! I have done some kind of movement daily whether it was walking my neighborhood several times around in the brisk January wind, or stretching it out on my yoga mat with Shiva Rea :). And some days both! (WOOO! Go me!). I'll definitely be keeping this up. The first day I did this, my body was like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! lol! It's safe to say it's missed Yoga.

8. Ask yourself daily. "Am I being kind to others and myself?" This one tugs at my heart strings a bit. Because I think a majority of people myself included, do not give or receive enough kindness. A hug for your husband. A kiss for you baby. A call to your Mama or Daddy. A I miss you to that far off brother in culinary school (who I DO miss SO BAD, but am SO PROUD OF!). And a look in the mirror at yourself and saying, "Hey Jess, I love you. You are awesome!" Hokey? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely.

9. Have a time to connect to your Spirit everyday. Whether it's on my morning walk, stirring my coffee, over my meal at supper time, or deep breathing in Asana practice. Connect with my Spirit and speak to Great Spirit, God, Goddess, The Great One in the Sky. Whatever it is that gets you there. Do it.

10. Read as much as possible. :) Not a problem! I have about fifty books that are waiting to be devoured right now. I think I have a book buying problem. But Amazon makes it too irresistible. I buy used and they are DIRT cheap and in great condition. But I think it's a vice that I am okay living with. It's all about acceptance man...:)

11. Express my authentic self in every possible way. Through art, my outfit choice of the day, cooking, EVERYTHING. I received one of the best compliments of my life from my brother a few months ago that literally made my year. He said, "Jess, you are without a doubt, the most genuine person I have ever met. Throughout the years even after all you've been through and the fact that you have grown older, that is one thing that has never changed about you. You have never tried to be anyone but exactly who you are." Definite WOW moment for me. I love my brother.

12. Know that no matter what, that you are safe and that everything will be okay. This one touches a very personal part of me. I went through a very hard time in my life, where nothing felt safe or secure, and I have slowly in the last several years come to terms that NO MATTER WHAT, I will be okay. I am safe. And that I am strong enough to handle whatever comes. Warrior Woman! ;)

13. Work on glorious goodies for Etsy shop! Oh Yea! That's right! I've got an Etsy shop in the works! WOOOOOT!

14. KNIT! :) I am in the fledgling stages of beginner-hood, but it's wonderful! I have discovered a love of textiles! I love sewing already and knitting is catching up! I have a bucket list goal of knitting a HUGE soft blanket in my lifetime!

15. Keep Flying with Flylady. If you don't know who this lady is...go check her out! She has saved me from dying under a mountain of mess!

16. You have permission to let go of things, (people, objects, weight, etc) that do not serve you. I intend to only keep things around me that I absolutely love!

17. Laugh and smile as much as possible! A very simple thing. Something you can do for free anytime of the day or night. Anywhere. Although you might get some glares if you are in the library hee-hawing it, but oh well! Spread that joy around!

18. Have more dance parties! Hell Yes! Again, anytime, anyplace! FREE! I have never known someone to be in a terrible mood and be dancing at the same time! So do it, crank the music up and shake it off!

19. Nurture and Love Yourself. Always.

20. Live Your Joy!!!!!!!


Hope ya'll enjoyed this! Set your Intentions for the beautiful New Year! It's going to be amazing!

At Christmas.

I hope you all had a very Happy Holiday.
Will update soon. Busy being Merry :)

silent night.

From this.


To this.


To this.


To this.


To this.


To this.


To this.


As the year comes to a close, and we all turn in, to spend time with loved ones and revel in the peace this season brings, I feel truly blessed. While making a gift for several family members, I was browsing the many saved snap shots of my little one, and was just marveling at the life I was having the privilege of seeing unfold before me. She has changed and grown so much in the last almost 3 years. During the daily hustle and bustle you don't take time to slow down and realize the changes of time, the sweet baby cheeks thinning to girlishness, the close cropped baby soft hair, now shoulder length and with a precious curl at the end. With holiday music softly playing in the background and my precious girl tucked away for the night, I am sitting in my overstuffed comfy chair, taking a moment. Slowing completely down from my day. No to-do list right now. No where to be but here. Savoring each thing. From the refreshment of the ice water in my glass, to the warmth of a well worn sweater, taking a step back and enjoying the moment.

Christmas, is not far off now. There are still bits to be done, presents to be wrapped and family time to enjoy, but for now. I am choosing to bask in the glow of a beautifully lit tree, the pile of gifts already starting to stack up beneath.

Blessings to all those who happen across this blog. I hope that you will take time out of the rush and hustle of the season, and just revel in the beauty of the simple everyday.




Happy Holidays.

Baby It's Cold Outside.

Busy. Busy. Busy-ness.

That is what has been going on around here of late. Working on getting the house in tip top shape before the holidays get into full swing. This is my absolute FAVORITE time of the year! When a chilly wind starts blowing through, hot chocolate is served in huge mugs, and sweaters and scarves abound. The time of year that makes you want to cozy up close to a crackling fire with a good book and a cup-o-cheer :).

With Thanksgiving on it's way and visiting with loved ones that I don't get to see that often, holiday themed activities, Cookie Day (a family holiday- we get together every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas and spend the whole day making cookies, put a big pot of soup or chili on the stove, some crusty bread and stuff ourselves silly. But there are usually so many cookies that usually get distributed as gifts.)I can't help but feel the first twinkles of dare-I-say Holiday/Christmas merriment? Yeah I think I feel pretty comfortable saying that. Not to run over Thanksgiving and jump right into Christmas trees, but it's hard to ignore when all the telephone poles down main street in my little town already have their annual Holiday lights up....hmmmm...well if you can't beat em' join em', at least when it comes to celebrating the season!

So for now I will keep this post slightly short and sweet with a few things that are making me smile right now. Enjoy!


yum!

truth.

I have an unhealthy burlap addiction. It's not pretty. I must make this.

Layered Love.

Precious. I want a photo of Layla just like this this year.

Hope everyone has a very blessed weekend!

25 Trips Around the Sun.

Thank you.

Thank you for gifting me the last 25 years of my life.

Thank you for all the heart wrenching "dark night of the soul" type moments.

Thank you for all the rich ecstatically joyous moments.

All the HUGE things. All the teeny tiny things.

For all the things that I forget to say Thank You for, and for moments that will stay with me forever.

Thank you.

I just want to soak up every delicious moment of this day.

And live every one, no matter what with a heart full of love, a soul filled with joy, and an attitude of gratitude. Always.

To this 25th birthday and many many more to come. Thank you for all the blessings I am privileged to have and I cannot wait to see what this next amazing year will bring.

Happy Birthday to me :).