Happy (Belated) Holidays to You...

I am a little late to post some of our Christmas/Holiday photos but, here they are. Enjoy the cuteness :)


Layla on Christmas Eve, enjoying her first Christmas gift, a baby doll.


Our little Rudolph on Christmas morning at Nana and Papa's.


All Santa's reindeer errr...I mean cousins enjoying their presents.


Uncle "Dodo" and Layla Lu!


Mommy and Daddy by the tree <3


the Dynamic Duo :)


Bonus! We had our very first White Christmas! We couldn't believe it! It was so magical!



Merry Christmas from Jessica, Chandler and Layla :)



So there you have it! I hope that everyone's holiday celebrations have been as joyous and blessed as ours! Happy Holidays to everyone and Brightest Blessing for a wonderful New Year!

Tis the Season.

I am finally getting the chance to update about the goings on here in my little corner of the world.

I have been running around like a little mama hen, clucking and trying to get all my Christmas "to-dos" completed before D-Day gets any closer :).

Today my mother and I spent pretty much the majority of our day Christmas shopping, for her and for several others in our family including a to-die for present for my husband that I just happened to come across, and I will not mention here in case he is reading this...(sorry honey, you'll just have to wait until Christmas!) My mother proceeded to hilariously try on just about every single pair of boots in the shoe store, just to say she had NO CLUE what she wanted. I was laughing at errr..I mean WITH her struggling to pull up the very tall leather boots, and then putting the short suede ones on the wrong feet and telling me, "These feel funny...I don't think they fit..." and I tried to hide my guffaw behind my hand and said, "Well it would probably help if they were on the right feet..." :D We love to pick on each other.

I wish I could have taken pictures of this comedic moment, but sadly my camera will NOT hold a charge and dies before I can take a few pictures. But hopefully with Christmas on the way very soon, that will all change...wink...wink..hint...hint Santa Clause ;)

I am also working on handmade gifts for several members of our family. I am machine and hand stitching, yarn haired dolls for the "babies". My almost 4 year old niece Alyssa (who's not such a baby anymore), my niece Ava (Chandler's sisters' daughter) whose second birthday is coming up very soon, and Chandler's, Stepmother's Son's daughter Gracie. Whew try saying that ten times fast. So far what you see up at the top is all I have got so far on the first doll. I hope to make some headway with all of them shortly, since here in the next few days I will have the time to actually sit down and work on them. I am trying to perfect the art of time management, but when you're a mom of a toddler, all your plans can kind of fall apart before they begin. So here's hoping I can get to cracking on my craft projects.

We went to two Christmas parties over the weekend. The first being a military one, for my husbands platoon. It was a bring your family kind of deal, so there were tons of soldiers and their significant others, and children galore, running the gamut from newborn to teenagers. Santa even decided to show up, which thrilled Layla immensely, that is until she was placed on his lap to take a souvenir photo and she burst into tears. Bless her heart. So now we have a $10 photo of Layla crying on Santa's lap. Ah tis' the season.

The next party was a family get together of my step-father's family. He has 14 brothers and sisters, but only 12 (including him) are still living. He is a twin. He has a twin sister. And there is also another boy-girl set of twins in there too. Pretty crazy huh. I was awed by the sheer size of that reunion. Tons of food, tons of people, ranging in age from 1 week old to 87 years old. Truly a sight to behold. We had fun going around telling stories about each little family that branched off from the original ones. The children, dancing and singing and generally having a good time. Layla didn't hold back with her charisma. The whole room was in love with her by the end of the night.

So needless to say it was an event filled weekend. This coming weekend we are having our traditional family "Cookie Day" where all the women in my family (and sometimes a few men, if they wish), get together and spend the majority of the day baking and eating cookies. Which I think is what the men really come for anyway, just to eat, and magically disappear when its time to clean up :).

I hope that everyone has a blessed week and hopefully soon, I will be able to add some pictures to my posts, if Santa deems me "Nice" enough to bring me a shiny new camera.

A week in quick review.

my little lovebug.

Finally, time to unwind and relax, here's a quick update post.

What I've been up to lately:

-

Letting Layla feed herself Pizza and be as messy as she wants, then immediately realizing that pizza sauce fuses itself with little baby's skin :)

-Practicing and getting better at hooping! Yes that's right I said hooping, I've caught the fever! I will hopefully get a picture up soon.

-Reading this book.

-Drinking chai tea in the morning...yummm.

-


Getting my zen on.

-Starting my handmade Christmas gift list, and trying to nail down all the materials I will need.

-finally getting a little girl time with one of my best friends of 16 years (wow!), and getting her into hooping. She had never been able to hoop in the past as a child but spun that thing around like a natural after I made her, her very own hoop! We could barely get a few spins out, without dying laughing at each other and messing up! It was just what I needed! As soon as my camera gets fixed I will hopefully be able to take pictures of our hijinks and post it.

-branching out and trying new recipes, like Butternut Squash with Farfalle and fried Sage...YUM-O!

What have you all out there in blog land been up to?

The Force Is Strong with this One...Layla's first Halloween Trick or Treating

I finally got the chance to post the photos from Layla's first Halloween that she got to actually go out and Trick-or-Treat!

The photos of her in orange are of her outfit she wore all day before she went Trick-or-Treating. The top and bottoms are actually a jammie set and the the tutu I made for her out of tulle and elastic! She looked so precious!

And boy did she have a ball out trick or treating! She finally got the the hang of what was going on and starting saying "Thank You!" when the people gave her candy in her pumpkin pail. Chandler went as a Jedi, I believe I was a Sith at the last minute and Layla of course as you can tell was Yoda!
Hope you guys had a wonderfully spooky Halloween/Samhain!

We'll be Young Forever...

Today is my 24th birthday.

:)

My mother asked me this morning as Layla played on the mat with her toys, how it felt and if I felt different. At that moment, I couldn't quite tell because it was super early (Layla is an early bird), but now as I sit here at the end of the day contemplating many things, I realize I do feel different.

I have been struggling in the last few years to find my place in this world. My sense of self worth and purpose. For so long I felt like I had no direction. But so many things are starting to become clear. I am a wife. I am a mother. But these things are not all that I am. I am also a woman. A STRONG WOMAN. I have been through so much in the last several years and it has built me into this warrior that I didn't realize that lived inside me. Even in moments that I feel like I am breaking down, I feel this sense of inner strength like I am and will survive what ever comes. I believe that this comes from being a mother. The protectress. Everything changed when Layla was born. Life was about more than just me now. I feel like a lioness guarding her cub. I would protect her with my life.

It finally feels like so many things are coming full circle. Loose ends are starting to tie up and new experiences and opportunities are beginning to open up to me. For the longest time I have felt like I am standing on the edge of something...just waiting. And now I feel like I am finally running and jumping into the air, free falling into something that I know is going to be wonderful.

I read my horoscope tonight for kicks and come to find out tonight's moon is 100% full. A full moon on my birthday. Lots of good energy coming my way.

It's been a long time coming. I can feel the change. And it is beautiful.

Seeking my Whole Self.

I am in a space of tender reflection at the moment.

My body seems to be trying to cleanse itself of toxins of both the physical, emotional, and spiritual kind. I have been soaking up a great deal of yummy soul searching goodness in the last few weeks. Reading several books that touch deep within and ring my inner bell. The likes of Sierra Bender, author of "Goddess to the Core" has struck some cords and real laid out a platter of munchies for my heart and soul to munch on. One of the things that she speaks about in her book, is how we create our surroundings by our intentions. Our thoughts. That what we think, determines how we feel, how we feel determines how we behave, and how we behave determines what we create. That struck a cord. Several in fact. She speaks of not victimizing yourself anymore and becoming the Goddess you are meant to be, who you've always been awakening her. The book is truly phenomenal. If you are so inclined, I definitely recommend checking it out. Her words, lessons and wisdom are life altering. I would read a passage and literally sit back and just digest what I had just read. So much of it spoke to me, it was as if literally the words were jumping off the pages saying "umm...are you getting this?!" And yes, I was!

I also have just finally finished reading "The Kind Diet" by Alicia Silverstone. I was very pleasantly surprised by this book. It's so wonderful to see an individual using their celebrity to make a difference in our world. The book itself, is about Alicia and her journey to becoming vegan and how it has changed her life for the better in all areas. Half journal, half recipe book it was very simple to follow and just blew my mind with the statistical information that she provided on the terrors of the meat industry and the treatment of animals. Breaking down exactly how that piece of meat got to your dinner plate or how that milk got into your refrigerator, is not the pretty story you might imagine (or well maybe you wouldn't imagine animals being led to slaughter, or being pumped full of hormones a pretty story... I sure wouldn't). It just seems hard for me to believe that once you read this information or even see pictures (trust me it's terrible) of what happens to that cow, chicken, pig etc. before it makes it way to your supper table, that you could stomach that steak or fried chicken. It definitely turns my stomach. Now I come form a tremendously predominate family of carnivores/omnivores. Being raised in the south, Fried Chicken Sunday lunches with meat gravy and cheese smothered macaroni is every where you turn, especially in family.

Up until about a year ago, I was of the omnivore variety partaking in all the meats that were offered up to me, and peppering it all with some salad, fruits and veggies. I had a passionate love affair with cheese that is something that I still grapple with, and have been a milk drinker my entire life. I knew vaguely of the plight of the animals that I consumed, but it was so easy to forget and just go through life. Just because I enjoyed the cheeseburger doesn't mean I wanted to meet the cow that provided it. Then something started to shift. During my pregnancy with Layla I developed Gestational Diabetes. During that time I had to strictly watch my diet, not partaking in hardly any sugar, not much fruit or juice, calculating my carb intake and pricking my finger 4 times a day. I. did. not. enjoy. it. at. all. That lovely cliche of when you are pregnant you get to eat whatever you want went right out the window. During this time I learned about substitutions for sugar and did my own research on what would be the best one. Although I had used certain artificial sweeteners prior, I stumbled upon a woman's vlog talking about Stevia. Ahhhh...Stevia. This, I feel, is where things started to change. Once I learned of the aspartame in artificial sweeteners and what it does inside your body once it is digested (basically you consuming formaldehyde, you know the stuff they embalm dead bodies with...yeah...gross), I eagerly began researching other ingredients in the food I was consuming. The information I came upon blew my mind! I couldn't help but think, "Do people actually know about this, and they still eat it??" From that day forward I have not used an artificial sweetener. Only raw sugar, Stevia, Agave Nectar, Brown Rice Syrup etc.

So one day I was browsing the blog of the lovely Denise at www.bohophotography.blogspot.com, and she did a vlog reviewing "The Kind Diet" and how amazing she felt doing it. I looked through several other reviews and heard nothing but raves, so I headed to the nearest bookstore and purchased it. I read through the first few chapters as soon as I got it home but, out of sheer lack of time had not gotten the opportunity to finish it. Ah, and how easy it is to revert to old ways when things are out of sight out of mind. Coming home from a recent trip to visit my husbands family on the Kentucky/Ohio line we made a stop through a local McDonalds...(cue famous terrifying music, overly dramatic old hollywood starlet scream!) I ordered a cheeseburger and wolfed it down hungrily, half asleep from my car ride induced nap), not but 10 minutes after consuming said cheeseburger I felt like I had swallowed a brick. It is not normal for me to eat fast food, but the confines of the road led me to that cheeseburger and although in the first bite it reminded me of being a child and going to McDonalds with my parents, the lovely memories soon wore off and all I was left with was a sick stomach. Not long after returning home I pulled "The Kind Diet" from the shelf and began devouring the pages. I have toyed with the idea of going vegan several times since my daughter was born, but I am truly giving it a shot this time. As of right now I am "flirting" which according to her book means you haven't made a fully commitment yet. But I have kept my indulgences to a minimum. I have only eaten meat once. And consumed cheese twice. I do not think right is the best time for me to fully cut everything out of my diet, but I am adding new healthier vegan friendly items to it. I have substituted milk for soymilk (which I love :D), and EarthBalance butter for diary butter. I am still waiting to get some vegan cheese and veganaise to try. But the main consistency of my diet in the last week has been about 90% vegan/vegetarian so may I say whoohoo! for my self.

I already feel lighter. I have a few detox symptoms from cutting the "nasties" out but I am enjoying this feeling of light within me and peace of mind that I am putting things in my body that are going to nourish me.

I hope to continue on this journey, growing more excited by the day. I have just ordered some vegan cookbooks for my birthday and they should be getting here shortly.

Speaking of birthday, goodness, it won't be long. October 22nd. I will be 24. Man, how the years fly...

My intention for the rest of this week is to take care of myself body, mind and spirit, to act instead of react, to stay calm in the face of adversity and to remember the mantra from Sierra "what you think determines how you feel, how feel determines how you behave and how you behave determines what you create."

I'll hopefully update on my journey to wellness, happiness, and wholeness.

Brightest Blessings.

Transformation.

I can feel a change coming.
A good change. I feel the need to cleanse, to purge myself of things that do not serve and begin anew. Exciting things are brewing on the horizon. I will update more on this when I have more time. I can feel the buzz of excitement in the air. The winds of change are blowing...

You and Me. Me and You.

my best friend. my favorite person. my brother.

Joey just being himself...with his lovely lady Andrea

<3

Joe and I on my wedding day.

I have only a little time left to do this.

Today is my brother's 25th birthday. He is in Chicago right now with his sweetheart celebrating and Joey-style I am sure.

Joseph and I are 14 months apart. And we have been THISCLOSE pretty much all our lives together. Never more than 45 minutes away from each other. When he moved to Columbia for a little while I would skip school just to go hang with him for the day. He would take me around to all the best places to eat (He is a future chef and restaurant owner :), and introduce me to all of his musician friends (his other passion MUSIC) and they places they frequented. He's the person I trust to give me a straight answer. The person I know will always have my back. We've had major blowout fights. But made up moments later. I can't imagine my life without him around. We watch our favorite episodes of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 together and crack up at the dry, backhanded humor and ponder how anyone could not think it's absolutely hilarious. He took me out on my 21st birthday and got me smashed (what he calls a 21st birthday to remember...:/ He's been my shoulder to cry on and I his. We've seen each other through losses and joys. We share the same facial features and same awkwardness. Same love of books, real good coffee, lilting harmonies, singing voices, and dancing skills. He's the kind of person who will dance downtown with me after a few beers, and give the clothing off his back for someone he loves. We've been through thick and thin together. A pair. No distance, time or circumstance will ever change that.

I love you Joe.

Happy Birthday Big Brotha.

Love your Sista.

Newness and Growth.

Good Morning.



I am slowly waking, out of the haze of sleep and sipping my cup o' nectar aka: brewed coffee black with usually stevia but today it's organic blue agave nectar. :D. Gotta change it up and keep it interesting.



I have full intentions to start posting a lot more frequently. Sometimes life just gets so hectic it's hard to have the energy to be introspective and hammer out a blog post but I am going to give it my bloggy loving best and try and post AT LEAST once a week. I feel that if you don't document stuff will just get lost in the span of time. And I want to remember.



So what's been going on in the Lovely Chaos lately you ask? Well...



My best friend Amanda just gave birth to her beautiful baby girl!

Peyton Sawyer came into the world on August 22 2010 at 7:15 p.m

These are some of the photos that were taken at the birth and I took them and edited and enhanced them for her as a gift. Isn't she beautiful? It's so bittersweet. I am so happy for her and her precious new addition, but at the same time there is a feeling of longing and sadness because I know that Layla will never be that tiny ever again. It just reminds me how fleeting life is. And how every single moment should be cherished. I am doing my best to absorb all the adorable goodness that Layla is at this age. She is so curious and into everything. Every morning that I come to pick her up from her crib she pulls up to standing, beams at me and says "Hey!". At almost 13 months she has such an extensive vocabulary. Saying about 16 words so far, I think is a great accomplishment for a baby her age.

Words (or attempts at words) that Layla knows so far:

1. Mama
2. Dada
3. Nana
4. Papa
5. Baby
6. Kitty
7. Pretty
8. Cookie
9. No No (lol.)
10. Hey
11. Bye
12. Nee-Nee (her name for my sister Jenny)
13. Ni (her name for my nephew Nick)
14. BoBo (her stuffed monkey she sleeps with every night...she named him :D)
15. Baba (bottle)
16. bite bite (when she wants to eat)

Words that she's working on but hasn't quite mastered yet lol...

17. Kiss Kiss
18. Duck (she says "Du"... but no ck)
19. Shoes ( she says "Sheesh..lol)
20. Book ( she says "Bu" I think she's working around the "K" sound)
21. Hot (she says "Ha" Every morning when I am having my morning coffee, whenever she's near me, she tries to stick her fingers in my cup, and I am trying to tell her "HOT", I have even touched her little fingers to the side of the mug (no it was not warm enough to burn her), and said HOT. And she'll point her finger at the cup and shake her head "no no".

I was visiting Amanda and Peyton yesterday and just enjoying watching her with her new little one, thinking how much Layla has grown and changed in a year. It's truly remarkable. I remember my first few days at home with her and wondering if I would ever get any sleep ever again, (dramatic I know...) and now Layla is sleeping through the night, mostly, and feeding herself almost exclusively, amusing herself flipping through the pages of her favorite books, pulling up to standing and just growing and changing every single day.

My husband has been in Germany for the last few weeks on a training mission, and I know he's chomping at the bit to get back home. He was teary eyed when he left this time, although he's had to do short 2 week deployments since Layla has been born before. He is not a cryer. I have seen him cry 5 times in the last almost 8 years that we have been together and that included when his grandmother died, when Layla was born, and when we separated for a short while. He held her, dressed in his uniform, telling her "Daddy loves you..." And I could tell he was hurting. He told me "It's harder this time...she's actually going to be aware that I am not here now." He kissed her and handed her to me to go put her down for her nap and turned away and I could see tears in his eyes. I know he feels like he's going to miss so many little moments with her that he can't ever get back. But I do my best to capture them, whether they be on camera, in a photo or writing them down. That is just the price you pay for service to your country.

We have about 1 week left until he'll be on his way home and I am excited! I'm gonna be working to get the house in order before he gets here. Everything kind of borders on chaos when he's gone. I'm lucky if I make it to the end of the day without baby food in my hair, tripping over books and toys, and got a load of laundry done.

Ah what a beautiful life :)
I wouldn't trade it for the world.

As Long As I Am Living My Baby You'll Be...

My thoughts are all ajumble today from all the craziness of the last few days. We celebrated Layla's 1st Birthday on Sunday, August 8th :).

It makes me sad in a way. For all the little moments that I will never get back. She will never be an infant again. She will grow older and grow up into a little girl, into a teenager, into a woman. And there is nothing that I can do to keep her my precious baby forever. But I love each and every moment that I get to spend with her. It is truly a blessing to have her for my daughter. My heart is full and overflowing with love for her. I am so blessed.

Here are some pictures I took of my beautiful girl a few days before her birthday, enjoy...

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away..."

The Unexpected Event of Just Letting Go and Letting Me be..Me. Thank you Ashley Graham.

*Disclaimer* I own none of the photos in this post. They were copied from Google.com. I mean no disrespect in using them. Thank you. :)

This morning I awoke like I always do, got my daughter up and fed her, her breakfast. Still half asleep at this point I bumbled around the kitchen fixing my morning must have coffee with stevia. Layla usually wakes up fairly early so she usually is still sleepy after her morning bottle, so I put her back down to take a quick nap. Retreating back to my "nook", I turned on the computer and started browsing through my usual blog spaces that I love to frequent.

Now before I go any further, let me do a little back tracking over the general, shall we say, "mental space" I have been in for quite some time now. With the exception of a few days of clarity, my mind has been bogged down with a lot of negativity as of late. Negativity about myself. My body. My mind. etc etc. No matter what I did it felt as if all I could focus on was a "I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH" mentality. It was like I was punishing myself for something I didn't even do. Now I did not do these things or have these thoughts consciously but, that nasty little, evil voice was there in the back of my mind whispering..."you don't need to eat lunch today...you're too fat to eat..." or "look at all those other mother's who lost weight, toned up and look BETTER than they did before they were pregnant...if you were actually dedicated you could do that..." It has just been an ugly nightmare inside me, eating away at my self confidence. For some reason I think it has just been a long time coming that all of this would come to a head sooner or later. Either with me losing it and just running screaming down the street or entering a moment of peace and enlightenment about myself and the world and space around me.

I have been searching. Searching for validation. Happiness. Acceptance from outside sources, people, magazines, blogs, websites, images. The list goes on. and on. and on. Searching, hoping and waiting for some type of sign or answer that spoke to me, "Jessica, you are beautiful, talented, unique and perfect just as you are. You are loved and appreciated. There is no one else like you. Be free. Love yourself. You now have permission to be happy." Needless to say that didn't really happen. Well not in so many words...

Well this morning began as I said just like many that have come before, and as I was doing my usual browsing I came across the website titled http://www.madisonplus.com/, that featured an article about a young woman that I have grown to admire immensely over the last few weeks. And that beautiful lady is...

Miss Ashley Graham

Now.

I will give you just a minute to pick your chin up off the floor...lol. Not only is the amazing woman physically STUNNING. She is beautiful inside. She is a plus size model who has been popping up everywhere. You may recognize her from the infamous "Banned Lane Bryant commercial!" If you haven't seen it yet, go to youtube and type in her name and Lane Bryant...lol. Spending her free time volunteering in Africa to help the less fortunate, and spreading the message of self acceptance and rocking your curves to other ladies. SHE IS AWESOME!

As I flipped through more of her photos and watched an interview with her, her confidence and happiness just RADIATED. She just seemed so...HAPPY. Happy in her body, her life, and living to help others. This curvaceous beauty is a size 16 and has stated that she has always been voluptuous. Her parents instilled in her early to love and appreciate her body exactly as is. And she has carried that with her to this day. After sitting back for a few moments, absorbing it all, a radical idea toddled into my head.

"...I am going to love my body today."

The voice in my head was not the one I had been hearing for the last several months. It was different. Quiet. But with a definite undercurrent of truth and strength. The kind of presence that doesn't need to be showy or loud to be announced. Instantly I felt lighter. Like I had been carrying an invisible boulder on my back and suddenly realized I could put it down. And when I did step away from the negativity, the world didn't end. No lightening struck. No naysayers were waiting in the wings to ambush me with hateful comments and nastiness that I wasn't good enough to just "love myself for who I am...". I got up to go take a shower and proceeded to undress. Standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror, I looked myself over completely and then suddenly started DANCING.

Paying no mind to the moves I was doing, or if I looked goofy. Just DANCED. To no music. And I started laughing. At myself. For wondering why in the world I had been living my life SOSERIOUSLY. I have a fire in me to enjoy everything this life has to offer me, and I am sick of living it according to some self imposed, restrictions and rules. I am healthy. I am active. I am a great mother. I am a great wife ;). I am creative. Ambitious. Driven. Joyous. I AM ALIVE and HAPPY!

I am giving myself permission to be absolutely, unabashedly in love with myself. Sure I will have off days. But all I have to do is come back to those pictures and all the lovely ladies that I look up to, many of whom post blogs themselves. REAL WOMEN. Not some unattainable ideal.

I will not put pressure on myself to be someone I am not. To look like someone I am not.

I will take care of myself. I will love my body, ESPECIALLY the parts that are a little tougher to love. I will dress for my body and be proud. I will be gentle with myself. Rest when I need rest. Move when I need movement. Eat when I am hungry. Meditate, pray, connect with the God and Goddess when I need spiritual nourishment.

I. WILL. BE. ME.

NO EXCEPTIONS.

The Awakening. Beautiful things are in motion.

New things are brewing underneath.

I wonder if it's the waxing moon. I'll bet.

I have been peeking into the lives of two of my favorite bloggers that I have only come across within the last 6 months. Boho girl Denise over at http://bohophotography.blogspot.com, is just a beautiful, groovy, peaceful, earth mother Goddess wit her sweet beautiful son Cedar and awesome hubby Boho Boy :) She is an outstandingly beautiful photographer. Her photos of little moments with her family bring tears of beauty and joy to my eyes. If you haven't been fortunate enough to stumble upon her space just yet, take a little mosey (did I spell that right?) on over there and bring along a cup of your favorite yummy nectar and sit a spell. Bask in the glow of her wonderfulness. Another lady of great esteem to me, is Aura who through her writing and photography of her own life, has literally touched my soul. I have only recently unearthed her blog and am so grateful I have. She has written some of the most profound material I have EVER read. She is so humble and honest, open and in touch with her truth and light. Please go check her out if you get the chance at http://aurajoon.blogspot.com.

These ladies have truly peeled back some layers for me lately and I feel through reading through their thoughts and experiences that it has touched on something deep and flowing in my soul. A truth. An inner knowing.

Deep deep liquidy pools of consciousness and spiritual thought provoking as of late. Where I want to go in this life. Feeling an overwhelming sense of gratefulness at what I have been blessed with and so much that I want to experience. It's like in my mind's eye I see myself in an open natural space, a Navajo desert with cool crisp air or mountainside cliffs or at the precipice of an ocean with my arms outstretched, screaming my soul out to the world, wanting to experience this entire existence and all it's wonders.

I feel this sense of some thing's coming.

Something big. Changes.

They feel important. Strong.

But they feel happy and good.

I don't know what they will be or what they will mean for me, but I feel light all around me enveloping me. I feel in my body right now. I feel my soul glowing. And it feels wonderful.

An awakening has been set in motion.

These quotes from Aura's blog struck a chord with me and I just thought that I would share it.

"Over the last few months I've talked a lot about finding the "old me." A big part of that was re-learning to not be so vain, self centered, shallow, hungry for possessions, and full of anger towards a life I'd lost control of. One day I woke up and decided that I was going to find me, again." ( Aura quoted from http://aurajoon.blogspot.com)

I feel like I have been doing this in my own life as of late. Searching for myself again. Not trying to necessarily create myself but rediscover her.

I'll leave off on this second quote from Aura's blog. Beautiful, simple, and full of light. These two ladies are truly an inspiration and I just want to say to both Denise and Aura.

THANK YOU. You have been such a deep, soulful inspiration to me and continue to shine a light into my life through your sharings, of words and love of life. THANK YOU.

"To me, the meaning of life is to love. Share love, give love, feel love. Love your life, the people in it, the things you do, your job. Give the benefit of doubt. Love strangers, love everyone. Why not? "

Time is fleeting, but my love for you is forever.

11 months ago to the day.

1 more month exactly until it's been a year.

At this time on that day, i would've been resting in post labor exhaustion and blissed out brand new motherhood.

I have this sensation as of late, like i am trying to desperately hold onto a handful of water. futile i consciously know, but yet i grasp at the drops flowing through my fingers.

She grows each and everyday. ever changing. evolving into her own person. absorbing her surroundings, reacting in joy, sadness, frustration and awe.

Funny how it really seems as if at times you suddenly realize you are in the middle of massive body of water and the the smallest ripple, flows out and effects everything else. boundless.

I have this feeling like I cannot hold onto her.

Her baby moments.

Her newness to everything.

I already miss her.

And she isn't even gone.

I just know that it will all continue to forever change. She will grow up. She will fall down. She will get hurt. She will get back up and she will keep on playing. She will go to her first day of school. She will experience joys and fears. She will go on her first date. She will fall in love. She will have her heart broken. She will mend it. She will move forward. And on and on it will go.

If she knows nothing else but this, I will be happy.

That from the moment that the doctors placed you on my chest, the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on, I have never been more in love. I have never felt more pure joy then seeing your precious face and hearing that sweet cry. From the first time your eyes met mine, to now hearing you say "Mama.." and hold out your hands expectantly for me to pick you up and hold you close.

I breathe you in every time I hold you, trying to commit your scent to memory. I wish I could freeze time and let us just stay here suspended. It's a bittersweet journey, to watch your baby grow bigger and change from moment to moment.

Bittersweet and Beautiful.

And I cherish, every. single. moment.

Fall Back Into the Flow

Sigh.....:)

Today has been a very roller coaster like day. What started off tumultuous, with harsh words and hurt feelings is coming to a close with me relaxed and feeling comforted in "my place". My chair in the corner with my desk and my books and my music.

I love listening to the beautiful voices of such powerful, strong, gorgeous women. Favorites that seem to be in constant rotation are India Arie, Alanis Morissette, Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Caitlin Crosby and Colbie Caillat. It truly stirs my soul to hear women speak from the hearts and transfer it over through music and song. I feel the Goddess within me stir and I just want to sing out or move my body.

I am so grateful tonight.

For my space
my beloved books
my music
dancing
feeling the rhythm and music moving through my body
peace of mind
realization and truth
coming back to myself
feeling the love of the Goddess and God/Great Spirit

I AM TRULY BLESSED.

My emotions have been taking me on a ride lately, from wanting to cry, to melancholy, to fear, to happiness, joy, and peace of mind. Some moments feel so hard and others feel like true pieces of heaven.

I hope that when I feel overwhelmed I can come back to my blessings and the love in my life.

I want to surrender to the flow and stop fighting it. Let go of the desire to control and just let it ride.

Take a deep breath in, exhale and trip and fall on your face :)

Do you ever feel like you are trying to ride the ebb and flow of the tide but you just can't quite catch the wave? That's kind of where I am at right now. I am a fairly novice practitioner of yoga but have a deep desire to become truly proficient at it one day and possibly teach it. So I have been practicing...everyday. And I enjoy it immensely! But I notice some days that my sense of balance and my center is thrown and during balance postures, I have a hard time, wobbling and falling out of poses that are most days easy or fairly easy to hold. I try again, focusing myself, finding my center, rooting into the ground and breathing but still there is that annoying wobble in my standing leg. But I continue to persevere and push forward through the motions until the end regardless of my trouble with control and my "monkey mind" when my thoughts run wildly.

No I am not a perfect yogini. I don't think I will ever be, and that's perfectly fine with me. But I would like to strive to be better at my practice and to one day have enough experience to hopefully teach. I would love to help others bring happiness, joy and balance into their lives, and I feel that want stems from me needing my own balance, and joy and happiness dose as well. :)

Okay now for a question for all you yoga practitioners out there or just for those of you who have an opinion you would like to share on this. Lately the muscles in my neck, on either side feel extremely tense and stressed for no reason at all. I am not flexing them or straining them but yet they remain rigid. And I have a really hard time relaxing them. Do you know the feeling when you feel like you are about to cry and the muscles in your face kind of tense...like that. I do not know if it is anxiety, and if it is, how can I remedy it? If anyone would like to weigh in that would be WONDERFUL!

Hopefully I can continue to progress on my yoga journey and in a few years be the one on the other end giving the advice on how to relax and de stress! :)

thoughts of the day.

Things that I am grateful for today, and everyday.

1. My daughter

She is the light in everything I do. Just waking up every morning to her smiling face is the most wonderful gift that I could have ever been graced with.

2. My husband

He is the most wonderful father. He loves Layla more than anything and has turned into such a wonderful husband and such a good man. I am truly blessed to have him in my life. He loves me for exactly who I am.

3. My body and all that it is capable of.

That although my body isn't perfect, I don't want it to be. There is no "perfect" caliber at which to judge anyone's body. All bodies are beautiful and divine in their own right. They should be cherished, nourished, and loved.


I believe that is all for today.

The Art of Digging and Discovering the Passion Inside: What do you live for?

Do you actively pursue your passions?

That is a thought that has been running around in my head lately. I made a list of things that I am passionate about, and some of it actually surprised me. I have a hard time focusing sometimes, and I feel as if I have all these ideas just bursting to be put down on paper or worked into existence but I just can't get them from my brain and into a creative medium. So I just sit down, grab a sheet of paper and a pen and scratch out my ideas and what I want to have apart of my life. Do you ever feel like certain things in your life are just absolutely necessary, or should be necessary and you may have let them fall to the wayside for a while until suddenly your rediscover them and you wonder why you ever let yourself forget them? I have been having revelations of that kind as of late. I think this year is going to be dubbed, "the year of the transformations" :). I don't want to fall into the same old pattern of seeing others go after what they want and feeling like it's too far out of reach for me. I am tired of idly sitting by when I could be pursuing my passions, in one way shape or form. Even if a great many of them become only just hobbies, I want each and everyone of them to be apart of my life because they are reflections of my authentic self, and to deny that would be to deny my heart.

What are your passions? And are you going after what you want and experiencing them with joy everyday or at least every chance you get? Go after what you want! Cultivate your happiness!

My passions:

-Expression through art of many different forms

-photography and learning to process and develop my own film

-DANCING! Not as a career but just for the love of it. My body has been stagnant for far too long. I get this feeling of inner warmth and light, a high and a giddiness from dancing that I get from nothing else. Expressing myself with my body to music in such a way that words could never describe. I LOVE IT.

-Painting. For so long this was a forgotten passion of mine. I took many art classes all through school but, I chalked myself up as a mediocre artist because I was rough around the edges, in my classical artistic expression. But I am now discovering so many new and different ways to paint and that it doesn't all have to be inside the lines. It's such a freeing feeling to be able to create my own version of art and feel like it's just as it should be. Free.

-Writing. My first passion and my first love other than dancing. It was the thing I always wanted to do, to pursue as a career. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't write. Poems, short stories, journaling, blogging, EVERYTHING, ANYTHING. The written word is so powerful. I hope to one day write a book. Not quite sure about what yet, but I feel that the wheels are slowly but surely beginning to turn in the right direction and I feel like when I'm ready, I'll know.

-Herbalism and Alternative Medicine. I have always had a passion for things that grow. And discovering Herbalism and homeopathic, alternative medicine is something very near to my heart. My love of nature combined with my desire for health and helping others drives me to want to become a Master Herbalist. My mother suffers from chronic pain on a daily basis due to fybromialgia, chronic fatigue, and is bi-polar. My father at the young age of 53 was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and is now progressively become a candidate for a deep brain surgery that would be very risky but possibly very beneficial to controlling this often times debilitating condition. I want to try all the options and ways I can to help them live better, fuller lives as much to their abilities. To able to alleviate or help in even some small way would mean the world to me.

-Feminism, Women's Studies, and connecting and helping other women with self esteem, self confidence, and self love. One of the main reasons that this is so important to me is because it is something that I struggle with myself. You know the saying, "those who can't do, teach"? well, it is a struggle daily for me to be self confident, and self loving, BUT it is something that I am working towards, and I have a great passion for counseling other women and girls in this arena. I want to help other people, other women and young girls find the power and beauty within themselves and in turn discover that it lies within myself as well. I hope to one day incorporate this area into my life in some way, possibly by starting a women's circle or group.

Well those are my passions. Find yours. Live your dreams. Pursue your passions. Don't sit idly by. Live everyday fully and authentically. Don't let one second go by unnoticed. Love and live life rapturously. Radiate and spread love.

Reduce, Reuse, Reassess...to Raw or not to Raw?

mmmm..

Hello again!



It feels like it's been forever since I posted last. Life just happens sometimes and leaves no room for blog post-y-ness. :) Layla has not been sleeping well lately. No more 3 hour naps for her! She's been taking about 1 thirty minute nap and maybe 1 one hour nap if I'm lucky. She did better today than the last few days. She took about a 2 hour nap this afternoon and then shockingly went down at her bedtime and is still asleep now. (keeping my fingers crossed that she stays asleep ;) I think it's just a stage shes going through but hopefully it will be one that doesn't last that long.



I have been doing some blog browsing lately, looking for ideas on repurposing, reusing, and recycling objects that you already own, things that you would probably throw in the trash automatically but instead finding new ways to use them. From tin cans, to plastic bottles and jugs, to clothing with holes, or cardboard boxes, you can pretty much find anything on these websites detailing how to use and reuse said materials and decrease the size of the already overflowing landfills, and minimizing your individual carbon footprint :). I consider myself a genuinely healthy, mindful person. I DON'T LITTER. At ALL. And litter bugs bother me to the point of climbing on my soap box over it. I am going to plant a garden again (finally!) this spring as the weather starts to get warmer, I am trying to find alternative uses for my families water bottles (if we ever use them) or just drinking filtered tap water. Issues such as conserving water, and alternative fuel options such as filtered cooking oil as fuel for diesel engine vehicles interests me very much (although sadly we do not own a diesel car...maybe one day so we can give it a try!). I try and purchase organic whenever possible (although not as much as I would like...it can get expensive and we are tight on money) from baby food for my little one, to personal care. I check packaging for preservatives and additives, and that they are cruelty free. I don't drink soda, I eat whole wheat bread almost exclusively ( I live in a household with others who are not so healthfully inclined so sometimes I have to sacrifice lol.), I try and eat as much fresh fruit and veggies as I can convince my husband to fit into our budget. I use Stevia in my coffee and as my sweetener of choice. And water is my best buddy :P. My downfalls include sweet tea ( I am a southern girl at heart...can you really blame me?), the occasional candy bar at the movies, and a rare pit stop at Taco Bell. hah :). I am not entirely strict on myself but do try and make healthy choices when choosing my meal options and trying to incorporate exercise into my week. I usually run or do yoga every other day with a few sessions of P90X extreme home fitness thrown in for good measure.



My reason for all this being is that during my blog browsing sessions, I have come across the folks repurposing items in their lives seem to not only care about the environment but also in what the put into their own bodies, which led me to information on vegetarianism, veganism and a fully raw food diet. Now don't get your knickers in a twist just yet ;) I am not suddenly shunning all meat, and eating just beans from now until forever. But the benefits of a diet that consists of mostly raw food definitely would be of benefit. So I would really like to start incorporating more of those foods into my diet more so than I already do. I can really tell when I have been eating really clean and I throw in a fast food sandwich or something equally as processed, my body just rejects it like food poisoning. I have an upset stomach for the rest of the day. It's funny how when you give your body really what its needing you notice how good you feel as opposed to when you give into too many processed items full of preservatives you notice how they can extremely affect your body and make you sluggish, have indigestion, headaches, even weaken your immune system to the point of contracting that nasty flu virus that just happens to be floating around at the exact wrong time.



While browsing one of my newly favorited blogs, http://www.happyfoody.com/ Sara Janssen and her family document their daily eating habits and recipes, ideas and advice for eating cleaner and living healthier. They also have several other sites to enjoy:



http://www.happyjanssens.com/ that documents their nomadic lifestyle, in their RV and unschooling their two adorable little ones.



http://www.walkslowlylivewildly.com/ a blog of the Janssen clan full of fun pics and informative great posts.



http://www.livelightlytour.com/ another site posted by the fam which I have yet to check out, but will do so soon :).



So if you interested in clean living, becoming an unschooler or just checking out a very interesting family and taking a little peak into their lives, hop on over to any of these sites and take a gander.



I think you will be pleasantly surprised :).

Growing Pains...embracing myself.

Hello again!

Whew...it's been a long day. I just put Layla down to sleep for the night and it seems to be as good a time as any to crank out a blog. :)

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. A lot of introspection. Which seems to be quite a trend with me as of this year so far. A major part of this soul searching, has been my view on my body image and my view on how much sway it holds over my life. Looking back, from when I was 14 years old and going through puberty, and looking around at the other girls and their changing figures, was about the time I started comparing my body. Throughout middle school and into early high school I was made fun of by some. During that ever awkward transition from chubby pre teen to expanding-in-lots-of-new-ways teenager, with glasses and braces and hand me down clothes. The rich, popular girls picked me apart from my hair down to my shoes. And I didn't realize what a profound impact it had on me until now. Up until that time they way I dressed never crossed my mind as a problem or an offense to the 7th grade population. I had friends, I did well in school, I had fun all the time but I never fit in with the popular crowd. Once I reached high school, about 11th grade I lost the braces, got contacts and a new haircut, I walked into school as confident as I would ever be. I made the cheer leading squad, got voted into Jr. Cotillion ( an organization similar to a sorority minus drunken parties with frat boys, and a lot more themed dancing), and the same girls that had made fun of me wanted to be my best friend or at least they pretended to be to my face. During this time I had several boyfriends, all nothing serious until my junior year I met my husband and the rest is history.

Saying all this and looking back over my cultivated memories, I think of that 14 year old girl with her glasses and braces and never feeling pretty and wishing so badly that she could look like the popular girls but instead she drowned her sorrows in bags of chips ahoy cookies, piles of books, and having fun with her true friends. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I could travel back and let her see the beautiful woman that she would turn into, the daughter and husband she would have and how happy she would be. I wish I could wrap her in warm hug and let her know that hard times would come and go but to always hold onto herself. The beautiful light she is on the inside.

I wrote down my resolutions in my journal a little belated this year and one of them was to start the P90X program and complete it, and by Layla's first birthday to be in the best shape of my life. Ever since my cold has knocked me down from working out 6 days a week, I have tried several times to jump back in, but each time I am left hurting, my body shaking and barely finishing workouts that I was able to complete with still moderate energy before my getting sick. It is a goal for myself that I truly want to complete. I told myself I would not quit and to kick myself in the butt if I did because I thought it would pay off in the end. But I feel as if I am trying to be too perfect, and that if I don't do this workout exactly verbatim and push myself so hard that I am left gasping then I am disappointing myself and the others I promised that I would complete it and be an advocate of these "AMAZING" results. But the more and more I feel this pressure to be this or that and meet this quota that these other P90Xers have set ahead of me, the more I feel as if I don't measure up. I'm not gonna lie. I don't like to workout. Not in the traditional sense. I love using my body and being physical, but I want it to be fun! I LOVE TO DANCE, I love to stretch, I love to feel the strength in my muscles, I love the centering of yoga and piece of mind it gives me, I love to swim, I love to ride horses, I love skipping through summer grass and wildflowers, I love rolling around with my daughter, I love kicking a soccer ball around. That said, P90X does not offer those things...lol. But I feel like I am letting myself down if I don't incorporate it somehow into my week and finish at least the first 90 days. I just don't know what to do.

I told my husband of my struggle the other day with my self image and self esteem, describing my guilt of falling of the wagon with P90X and I asked him what should I try and do?? He shook his head, sighing, slighting raising his eyebrows telling me, "Honey, why don't you try being happy?...just as you are...right now? If something is not making you happy then DON'T DO IT." I hate it when he's so logical sometimes...hah. But he's right. Life is too short for me to be letting a workout DVD series beat me up for not enslaving myself to it. But that doesn't mean that I have to give up being active and taking care of my body. Still make healthy choices and get up and get out a few days a week, but let it be something that I look forward to, something that brings me joy. Taking a dance class or just dancing in my room, stretching, yoga, playing with my daughter, running, playing kickball or soccer with my nephew. I am done feeling guilty. Especially to an inanimate object. hahah. If one day I decide to pick it up and do it because it feels good to me the it will be there for me to do so.

I stumbled upon a show over the weekend that I didn't even know existed. "How to Look Good Naked" with Carson Kressley. Now I normally don't watch makeover shows or TV in general, but I was searching for information on "loving yourself" and this popped up. So in curiosity, I watched the first episode. Not but a few moments into it, I realized they were onto something. Carson, took women who had body and self image issues, from sizes ranging petite and thin, to curvy and voluptuous, and showed them how beautiful they truly are, no matter what they looked like. He showed them how skewed their view of themselves and their bodies was, really opening the eyes of every lady on the program. It was truly awe inspiring and made me laugh, cry and want to cheer through watching both season one and two. It made me give myself a really hard look and think about what I had going for me as opposed to my so called "flaws". I feel as if my perspective of myself, although not perfect has begun to shift. I don't want to have that so called "perfect" body. That's boring. I am unique unto myself. And although I want to be healthy. I am healthy. I would like to feel fit and strong and I do. I will no longer feel the pressure to fit into an unrealistic mold. I look in the mirror now and my "flaws" tell a story about myself. The scars on my stomach from my complications as an infant. Being born three months premature, left the doctors with not much hope for my survival, but doing everything they could to save me. Whether that was inserting tubes into my stomach, my heart beating rapidly through my paper thin skin, experimental ointment dropped into my eyes so my eyes would develop as normally as possible and I would not suffer blindness. My post pregnancy, small stretch marks on my lower abdomen and the pooch in my belly tell the tale of the creation and birth of my greatest achievement and joy, my daughter. They are badges of honor. War wounds. And remind me of how lucky I am to be alive when I wasn't given weeks to live and had no idea that one day I would create and birth a life into the world.

I love myself just as I am, "flaws" and all. And when I forget, I will take a look in the mirror and remember who I am and that I am beautiful.

A touch of Whimsy

In my early morning blog browsing, while my daughter madly jumps for her life in her jumperoo ;)... I stumbled upon something beautiful that just brightened up this dreary overcast morning!

Beautiful Natural Hair Crowns and Hair Pieces!!!

Aren't they just absolutely magical??!!! I was browsing through butterfly images (because they are my absoute favorite!) and came across the butterfly hairpiece image that you see at the top and clicked on it. The link took me a young woman's etsy shop entitle "WhichGoose"! How WONDERFUL! A self proclaimed "purveyor of natural hair crowns and accessories", her creations just pulled me in! I could almost imagine the fresh spring breeze blowing through my hair with one of her beautiful pieces adorning it! They are so inspiring and make me want to pin one to my locks, don an ivory grecian cown and run through wildflower fields dancing with the fairies! :D

If you would like to visit her etsy or blog her are the links. ENJOY!

Whichgoose Etsyshop : www.etsy.com/shop/whichgoose

Whichgoose blog: www.whichgoose.blogspot.com

Up to my elbows in realization among other things ;)

The last 2 weeks have been challenging for me, or what my father likes to call "character building days". As I posted before I have been recovering from a cold of some sort and it's still not quite through my system. But this downtime has given me a chance from some serious introspection and a great deal of reflection on certain things in my life and WHY they are apart of my life. And the odd thing is, I have found that somethings that were not apart of my life anymore or not as much as they used to be NEED TO BE, and others that held great sway over my life needed to be cut loose or reduced considerably.

Let me explain.

I have been reading a book en tilted "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. And it has made for a great many interesting conversation starters or blog starters, if you will. It documents the resolutions and goals of Gretchen, the author as she starts a year long journey to find her true form of happiness and researching and discovering a great many venues for happiness all along the way. She breaks her master list down into bite size chunks to be accomplished each month and then adds to them for each month that she continues. I am not finished yet but so far it has been quite eye opening in certain areas. You can visit her blog at www.happiness-project.com and read the most recent posts from Gretchen herself.

Another resource I have been utilizing is other individual blogs and websites of people entirely unique to themselves that seem to be on that same path. Discovering and implementing what makes them happy, and what truly matters in life to them. One that I want to give tremendous recognition to is www.goddessguidebook.com created by Leonie Allan, in which she helps every woman find the true Goddess that she is inside herself. The light that emanates from that woman is so brilliant, you can feel it coming through your computer screen. After reading quite a few blog entries, reading about her Goddess School, seeing her beautiful magical artwork, and watching several videos that she has done, she has truly blown me away. Her intent to help others by helping them see who they truly are inside and that they are more than just a face or a body and that each and every woman has a beautiful Goddess just waiting to be let out is just AMAZING. I admire her so and every time I visit her site, I just feel truly uplifted. There are not enough "Goddess Leonie's" in the world. And I humbly commend her for all that she has done for myself and others' lives that she has surely touched. I have not been able to enroll in one of her Goddess school e-courses yet but hopefully Goddess willing in the future, the funds will be there to allow it. :) I do encourage you to visit her website if you feel so inclined to do so. Once you do you will understand.

My point in listing these two resources of self discovery, is that looking back from my pre-teen adolescence until now at soon to be 24 years of age, married and a mother, there are things that have been lost and certain habits and things that I have adapted into my life that should have never been added. I think that as young girls grow into young women they all transition from toys and dolls, to clothes and boys or something to that effect. And in that transition something gets lost. I feel at that transition time for myself, I didn't even realize I had lost it. Now what is IT? That elusive little "THING" that I keep mentioning. Well some would call it innocence but that seems lacking somehow. I want to say passion but that doesn't seem quite fitting either. Authenticity. That seems to be right. Think back to yourself at 10 years old. What did you like to do after school? Did you take lessons, horseback riding, art, karate, swimming? Did you play outside with friends, siblings, alone? What games did you play? Where you the captain of a pirate ship and your friends were your ship mates and the big oak tree in your yard was the main mast and the tree house the crows nest? What books did you read? Did you like fiction that took you to far off historical places? Or thrillers or diaries? Did you keep a journal? What did you put in it. Did you fill it with honest truths of your world, private thoughts or did you write your own fictional stories, or both? In reflecting on these things, I discovered that I had lost that childish enthusiasm. That passion, that light in my eye of just doing something because I enjoyed it. Of feeling free and open to being EXACTLY me and making no apologies. And it made me sad. That I wasn't even sure WHAT I liked to do anymore. A friend asked me over coffee what hobbies I had, and the question made me stumble. I had no clue. I like to read. That's always been a given. But I couldn't expand on that. I had somehow lost that 10 year old inside me that had such a passion for horses, and books and Harriet the Spy and American Girls, who loved to play outside and climb trees and pretend and lived in the world of her imagination where anything could be possible. And she had been replaced by a woman that had seen to much, sacrificed and painfully grown away from her true self. But I think that, that comes with growing up. Every person adapts "adult" activities, likes, dislikes and forgets the child in themselves. Their authentic self. In discovering all this, I vowed to myself to reawaken that child. Reintegrate that WONDER and PASSION into my life as wife, mother and woman that I had become. From taking time to enjoy playing with toys with my daughter seeing that spark in her eyes, that every day is a new journey to something wonderful, to read her stories of far off make believe worlds. To paint again! To create! Something that I had not done for YEARS. I rediscovered my love of art. And the sense of peace it gave me. I went to the library and promptly checked out a towering stack of books about anything and everything that caught my fancy, (historical fiction being a favorite ;), my mother two steps behind with her stack as well. :D. Rediscovering my love of nature, sitting outside with my morning cup of coffee watching a woodpecker, bang for his breakfast and two little finches, flitting back and forth from branch to branch twittering to each other. I didn't even know that finches lived in my area!! It feels as if I have been ransacking through life with my eyes closed. That I had forgotten to STOP and just breathe the fresh air, to crack open a library book and breath in that musty "book" smell, to eat a piece of chocolate cake and not feel an ounce of guilt, really savoring it, to live life afresh, renewed and remembering who I really am. That I am not just a face, or a body, or a mother, or a wife or a daughter. That I am still that ten year old girl as well.

The key, is to achieve balance. To not only be all that adult things that you must be, but to also indulge the true authentic, unique "REAL YOU" that lives inside. Let her out of that musty old closet filled with old toys and books long forgotten. Shes been patiently waiting for you to remember her...

"Never lose your childish innocence. It is the most important thing." - Under the Tuscan Sun